#my parents came over to deliver us some of their fresh produce and we talked

[mxwhore]

I want to draw!!¡ but first, education

[avengerscompound]

The Tower: Family - 31

The Tower: Family An Avengers Fanfic

Series Masterlist PREVIOUS //

Pairing:  Avengers x OFC, Bruce Banner x Bucky Barnes x Clint Barton x Wanda Maximoff x Steve Rogers x Natasha Romanoff x Tony Stark x Thor x Sam Wilson x OFC (Elly Cooper)

Word Count: 2069

Warnings:  Pregnancy, labor, surgery, breastfeeding

Synopsis: With new powers, Thor now living on Earth full time, a wedding to plan, and Natasha and Wanda expecting, a lot is changing for Elly and her large and rather unconventional family.  When Elise’s parents try to reestablish connections, Elly questions what being a family actually means.

Chapter 31: The Whole Family

I was in full active labor seven hours after I lay down to nap with Steve.  My water broke at around nine that night, but it was just a small trickle and it took a little while for me to realize it had happened.

It was quite a strange feeling to be in labor while everything was just going on as normal around you.  We were experts at it this time, so babies were being breastfed and given tummy time.  Dinner was served and eaten together.  Riley and Pietro were given their stories and a bath before being put into bed and all the while I was getting these strong, debilitating pains that lasted barely anytime every 20 minutes or so.  There was a rotating roster of people who stuck by my side depending on what needed to be done in the house and when all the kids were down for the night Tony suggested that maybe we should just go down to the Medbay and see how things were going.  Turns out the answer to that question was; ‘not well’.

“Elise, honey,” Doctor Schroeder said, as I lay back on the bed with a bunch of probes attached to me, and one inserted inside me and attached to the crown of the baby’s head.  “The baby is in distress, we really need to do the c-section.”

“What?” I said, the alarms beeping around me as my blood pressure shot up. “No, no, no, no, no.”  Beside me, all the color had drained from Tony’s face and he started fidgeting where he stood.

“It’s going to be fine,” the doctor said.  “But he needs to come out.  We need to put you under as soon as possible.”

“But… I…” I couldn’t think straight.  I didn’t know why he would be in distress now.  I had made plans.  I’d gone into labor, I was supposed to deliver like Wanda and Natasha had.

“El, princess,” Sam said, stepping close to me and crouching down by the bed.  I looked at him, still panicking.  “Honey, I’ll stay with you the whole time.  Okay?  I won’t leave your side for one second.  We’ll get Edwin out and when you wake up, we’ll all have a happy and healthy baby boy.”

I felt tears prick my eyes but I nodded, feeling a little bit more sure about things.  Everyone backed off a little and I was moved onto a surgical bed and set up with an IV and wheeled into surgery.  Everything felt like a blur as I was given an anesthetic and oxygen and talked off to sleep.  I remember the last thing I could focus on was the light above me and Sam’s voice telling me he was right here with me and everything would be okay.

The next thing I was really aware of was my throat hurting and how cold I felt.  “Hey, El,” Sam said, gently.  “You waking up?”

I managed to force my eyes open but they fell closed again right away, I shook my head slowly.

“It’s okay, princess,” Sam said, running his thumb over the back of my hand.  “You can keep sleeping if you want to.  Everyone is fine.  Edwin was crying up a storm as soon as he took a breath.  He’s with the others now.  His feet and hands were a little blue and his pulse was a little high, but everything settled once he got used to being out in the big bad world.  They don’t think he’s going to need to be in intensive care or anything.  Just your blood pressure stressing him out.”

I relaxed as Sam spoke and seemed to doze off for five minutes or so before waking again.  A nurse came over to check me over.  “Do you have any pain, Doctor Cooper?”

I nodded and pointed to my stomach where they had cut.

“Do you want some pain medication?”  She asked.

I nodded again and started crying - though I wasn’t actually sure what was setting it off.

“Hey, El,” Sam soothed.  “It’s okay, honey.  I’m still here.”

“And you’re going to see your baby very soon,” the nurse added as she adjusted something on my IV.  The pain started to back off again, but I couldn’t seem to stop crying.

“What’s upsetting you, princess?”  Sam asked.

“I don’t know,” I cried, my voice raspy.

“Aww, honey,” Sam soothed.  “Having a bad reaction to the GA leaving your system.  It’s alright.  It’ll back off soon.”

I’m not sure how long it took to start feeling more awake but they brought me juice and crackers and checked me over before letting me go to my room where the others were waiting with Baby Edwin.  Sam stayed by my side the whole time, talking me through every little medical thing that they did so I wouldn’t worry.

I was wheeled into the room and was greeted by all the others who were seated around on the various couches and sofa chairs set up.  They all stood at once except for Tony who was holding the little bundle in his arms.

“Hey, sweetheart.  They said it all went fine.  How are you feeling?” Steve asked.

“I'm okay.  Feel weird.  I was pregnant and now I'm not anymore,” I said.  “Usually a thing that happens between those points.”

“You had a baby,” Steve assured me.  “He's right there.  Tony’s won’t let anyone else hold him.”

“Hey! You all got a turn,” Tony argued.  “But I helped make him, I’m proud of my good work.”

“Puh-lease, Tones,” Clint snarled.  “You jizzed inside her.  Who hasn't done that?”

“Hey, not in front of the baby!” Tony said, covering Edwin’s ears and looking at Clint with a scandalized expression on his face.

“Alright, alright,” Natasha said. “I think it’s time for Elise and Sam to get their chance holding him.”

Tony got up and carried the little bundle over.  He was wrapped in a blue blanket with just his face showing and he was sleeping peacefully.  He had a fine head of brown hair and a little button nose. “Look at what we made, El,” he said as he put him in my arms.

“I can’t tell who he looks like more,” I said, looking down at him.

“Well he has blue eyes,” Tony said.  “But that could just be because they haven’t settled.”

“He’s perfect either way,” Wanda said.

I smiled down at him and ran my finger over his cheek.  “Hey, Eddie,” I said softly.  “Sorry I missed you being born and stressed you out so much.”

“He’s fine,” Wanda said.  “I promise.”

“A hearty lad,” Thor added.  “You have nothing to fear, my life.”

I smiled and kissed Edwin’s forehead.  “Good,” I said.  “That’s the main thing.”

“Not to hurry you along, El,” Sam said. “But I want a turn too.”

I giggled.  “Okay, but only because you stayed with me the whole time.”

Sam grinned and took him from me, and I lay down, closing my eyes.  “Maybe we should leave you to sleep, honey.”

I mumbled something, trying to ignore the pull of sleep, but finding it hard to resist.  “Mishka,” Natasha scolded.  “It’s the middle of the night and you just had major surgery.”

“We’ll be here when you get up, and so will Edwin,” Bruce said. “You should sleep while you can and heal so you can come back home as soon as possible.”

I nodded slowly.  “I’ll stay with her,” Tony said.

“What a shocker,” Clint teased and came over and pressed a kiss to my forehead.  “You did good, El.”

“Thanks, Clint,” I murmured.

The others all came over and kissed me goodnight before leaving.  I dozed a little while Tony fussed around and eventually set himself up to sleep on the foldout next to me.

The following day I woke up to the sound of Edwin crying.  Tony had him cradled in his arms, trying to soothe him as the nurses came and propped my bed up.  I have no idea how long I’d slept for, but the sun was up and the room was filled with flowers and balloons.

“There’s your mama,” Tony said.  “We were starting to think you were going to sleep all day long.”

“Sorry, Tony,” I said.

He shook his head.  “You’re healing.  It’s fine.”

“How’s your pain?”  One of the nurses asked as she fussed around me.

“About a seven,” I said.  “Maybe seven and a half.”

“We’ll get you something.  Are you hungry?”  The nurse asked.

I nodded.  “Very.”

“Okay,” she said.  “I’ll organize that too.  And are you going to breastfeed?”

“I’m going to try,” I said.

“Okay, let’s see if we can do that first,” she said, gesturing Tony over with Edwin.

It took a little bit of doing but we eventually had him latched and suckling.  I knew I wasn’t really producing anything much yet, the surgery would delay my milk production, but it was important to get him to suckle to bring it on.  He suckled with a scowl on his face, staring up at me with his dark blue eyes as he gripped at my breast with one little hand.

The nurse left to go order my breakfast and my pain medication and Tony sat on the side of my bed and started playing with Edwin’s hand.  “You ready to see the others?”  He asked.

“Yeah.  That’ll be good,” I agreed.

“Your mom is here.  Those are from her,” he said, pointing to a large bunch of white roses and blue irises set in a blue box with foil balloons attached that read ‘It’s a boy’.  “You okay seeing her too?”

I nodded.  “Yeah, that’s fine too.”

“FRIDAY, let them know,” Tony said.

By the time the very large group that consisted of my husbands, wives, children and mother came through the door, Edwin had stopped feeding and fallen back to sleep and I was slowly eating my way through a plate of French Toast with fresh berries.

“There she is,” Steve said, kissing me hello.  “You slept for so long.”

“I guess I was tired,” I agreed.  “I’m up now.”

“You otay, mommy?”  Pietro asked, coming over to the bed and putting his chin on the side.

“I have a big cut,” I said, caressing his hair.  “But I’m okay.  I missed you.”

“I misted you too,” he said.

Thor and Bruce lifted both Riley and Pietro up on the side of the bed.  “Be careful of your mother, she has an injury,” Thor said.

“Don’t touch her tummy,” Bruce added.

Riley immediately ignored both of her father’s instructions and gently patted my stomach.  “Tan I see?”

“It’s just a bandage right now,” I said.  “But I can show you when they come and change it if you really want.  It has stitches because they had to sew me back up.”

“Otay,” she said and promptly stole a strawberry off my plate and started eating it.

Pietro’s lip began to quiver.  “Dey sewed you up?”

“It’s okay, honey,” I said, pulling him in close.  “I’m okay and so is your new baby brother.  Did you see him?”

“Yeah, he’s borwing,” Riley said, matter-of-factly making me laugh a little.

My mom stepped forward and kissed my cheek.  “Congratulations, darling,” she said.  “He’s so beautiful.  They all are, but Edwin looks just like you when you were born.”

“Thanks, mom,” I replied.

Everyone settled around the room.  Some cradling babies while others looked over their shoulders.  Everyone was relaxed and happy and completely present as a family.  It was a little melancholy to think how back when I was born, my mother had me, and I looked so much like him, and yet I didn’t have this.  I would grow up not knowing that this deep love and devotion was a real thing.  That I wouldn’t know it until one day when I knocked over an ex-Russian assassin on the way to work and somehow that act would lead her to become fascinated by me.

In the end, it didn’t matter.  Every little thing that happened in my life led to this.  Me here with the people I loved most.  With the people who I had chosen to be a part of my life.  I wouldn’t change a single thing if it meant I would lose this.  I might not have known it growing up, but my kids would.  This was my family.

~ END ~

[cali-holland]

Just a Little Secret- Harrison Osterfield One Shot

Pairing: Harrison Osterfield X Holland!Reader

Prompt: Maybe quarantining with your secret boyfriend and your two overprotective younger brothers wasn’t a good idea…

Word Count: 4600

Warnings: swearing (especially towards the end oops), sexual innuendos? references to sex? probably some reference to alcohol... my bad

Masterlist   Harrison Osterfield Masterlist

*Gif is not mine*

~~~

When quarantine began over a month ago, you decided to stay at home with your parents, Sam, and Paddy. This, of course, upset your boyfriend Harrison, as he wanted to use this lockdown as an excuse to be with you 24/7- what he forgot to consider was that you’d be living with him, two of your brothers, and Tuwaine. Tom, Harry, and Tuwaine would let you stay in the guest room in a heartbeat, but you knew better than to accept that offer though. It was hard enough to keep your secret relationship with Harrison, well, a secret for the past five months; it’d be even harder for your relationship to go undetected while living under the same roof as Harry and Tom.

“Are you sure you don’t want to?” Harrison pouted as you two sat up having a late night facetime call.

“Yes, I can’t stay there. It’s too risky.” You replied. It’s been two weeks into quarantine by this point.

Harrison just wanted to hold you and you just wanted him to hold you, too. You two had done the long distance thing before, but that was different time zones distance, not a five minute drive distance.

“You can stay in the guest room. We won’t even share a room.” He let out a whine, trying his best to get you to agree. You couldn’t take his puppy dog eyes seriously though.

“You mean the guest room conveniently next to your room and not near any other rooms?” You laughed lightly in a teasing tone.

“Maybe.”

“You need to shave.” You said, wanting to change the topic.

“Come over here and shave it then.” He smirked smugly as he changed it right back.

“Nope.” You shook your head. Your eyes popped above your phone to the door for a moment when you heard a creak outside your room- probably just Sam going to bed late like always.

“Guess it’s just gonna stay then.” Harrison shrugged with a cheeky smile.

“Guess I won’t facetime you anymore then.” You quipped, and the pout returned to his face. You let out a little laugh, “No, I think I can get behind it.”

“Mhm,” He hummed from your approval.

“I miss you.” You sighed.

“I miss you, too.” His blue eyes shone in sadness; you’d never been so close to each other yet so far away.

You stayed on the facetime call with him, talking and getting lost in his eyes, until you fell asleep. It happened almost every night; you two would facetime until one went to sleep, just content with the small amount of time you got to see each other.

The next morning, your mum insisted that you and Sam head off to the grocery store to pick up some more essentials. It wasn’t until you were getting some fresh vegetables that Sam questioned you about your late night phone calls.

“So, who’s the guy?” Sam asked.

“What?” You replied, claiming ignorance despite knowing exactly what he meant.

“You’re always up late talking to someone. Who is it?” He tried to play it off as a ‘cool brother’ routine by focusing on the broccoli in front of him. His tone and actions just told you that he was concerned and trying not to be bothered by the subject.

“It’s no one.” You answered. You didn’t really want it to go any further.

And before it could go any further, you and Sam heard an excited voice from behind the two of you.

“Y/N! Sam!” Your twin smiled happily, pulling you in for a hug before giving Sam one as well.

“Tom, what are you doing here?” You asked. You didn’t mind that he just broke one of the ‘rules’ of quarantine- he was your twin after all.

“We needed milk.” He said. He pointed back to Harrison, who rounded the corner and lit up when he saw you.

“Well, well, look who we have here.” Harrison teased, placing the milk in the cart Tom had.

“Hey, Haz.” You smiled. You took a moment to check him out a little, your eyes lingering on his newly grown facial hair. He sent a smirk your way as he not so subtly eyed your own body. Thankfully, Sam and Tom were caught up in their own conversation, completely oblivious to you and Harrison.

“I just remembered that Tom and I need some bread. Want to help me get some?” Your boyfriend asked you with a cheeky grin, not trying hide his innuedo from you.

“Sure.” You rolled your eyes at your boyfriend’s obvious attempts to get you away from your brothers. Once concealed in the bread aisle, Harrison’s hands cupped your cheeks and he pulled you in for a hungry kiss. His tongue dove into your mouth almost immediately. You refrained from giggling into the kiss as his facial hair tickled your face lightly. It wasn’t nearly that long, but you hadn’t actually kissed him when he was sporting anything more than a little stubble. After a moment, his hands began to roam your body and you came to your senses. You pulled away from him, making him whine.

“Haz, we’re in a grocery store.” You said.

“Bathroom or car? I say we got about eight minutes before they wonder where we are.” Harrison teased.

“We’re not having a quickie in a grocery store.” You slapped his arm.

“Technically the car’s in the-“ He was cut off by you kissing him again. Your hands got tangled in his hair as his hands snaked their way to your waist. As his hands ventured even lower down your body, you felt him start to smile into the kiss, proud that he was able to cop a feel of what he’d been missing. You involuntarily moaned as his hands rubbed on your ass, pulling you closer to him.

“Haz, we need to go back.” You pulled away from the kiss. He groaned, but he knew you were right. Sam and Tom would find you two if you took any longer. He fixed his hair and grabbed the first package of bread he could. 

“Do you approve of the beard now that you’ve seen it?” He asked you, pulling you close to him again in the aisle.

“I like it.” You smiled, running a hand over his slightly hairy jaw.

“Good. Because it stays until you move in.” Harrison teased. 

Before you two rounded the corner for the produce section, he gave you one last kiss and then you two pulled apart, putting on the act of just friends in front of your brothers.

For the next couple nights, whenever you’d facetime, Harrison would beg you to go stay at his place and your answer was always a simple no. One day, it stopped, and you didn’t question it until just a few days later a pink package showed up in the mail.

“You do some online shopping?” Your mum asked teasingly, handing you the package.

“No?” You replied, before looking at it curiously. The big pink VS was the first clue that your obnoxious secret boyfriend sent it to you. Sam gave you a questioning look and you just laughed it off, “Oh yeah, I forgot about this.”

You quickly excused yourself to your room and opened the package once you got some privacy. Harrison was such a little shit sending you sexy black lingerie while you were staying at your parents, instead of at his place. It was taking everything in you to not move over there.

‘Did you get my gift? Said it was delivered.’ Harrison texted you immediately after you opened it.

‘Yes.’ You replied curtly.

‘Do I get to see it 😇 (angel face)’

‘Not today at least.’

‘Come over and show me?’

‘No.’ You added the period just for effect.

‘Please 😭 (crying face)’

You sighed. You really, really wanted to be with Harrison, but you also knew that there was no way you two could handle the constant pressure of keeping your relationship hidden. It was hard already since he lived with your brothers, but now to put all four of you, stuck together, under one roof- that would be the biggest challenge yet.

You called up Tom, and he answered almost immediately, excited to hear from you.

“Hey, Tommy, can I ask a favor?”

~~~

And so, Harrison had won the quarantine debate. He was more than happy to help you with your bags when you moved in the next day, and he was more than happy to show you to your room, right beside his and practically closed off to the other bedrooms. You barely got your bedroom door closed behind you before he embraced you in a tight hug.

“Haz!” You quietly exclaimed, not expecting him to be so physically needy so quickly.

“I missed you.” He said, kissing you. His stubble had grown longer since you saw him at the store and it tickled your chin as his lips moved against yours. His hands on your waist, pulled your hips into his.

“So much.” He mumbled against your lips, walking you to backwards until he could sit on your bed and you situated yourself in his lap.

“I missed you, too.” You let out a small moan as his lips went straight for the sweet spot on your neck, still knowing exactly how to get you going. “Haz, no hickeys.”

You couldn’t but laugh at his playfully murmured “No” before he continued to pepper your neck with kisses. His hands began to roam under your shirt, until you two were pulled back to reality.

“Hey, Y/N, what do you want for dinner?” Tom shouted, his footsteps coming down the hall. You jumped away from Harrison, just in time for your brother to open your door.

“What do we have?” You asked, busying yourself with unpacking your suitcase. Harrison preoccupied himself with putting away your books and such, acting like just a good friend helping you get comfortable in the new room.

“Uh, I don’t actually know.” Your twin admitted.

“What about spaghetti?” Harrison suggested, “We’ve got stuff for that.”

“Yeah, that works.” You nodded, approvingly.

“Alright, I’ll start on it.” Tom said, heading out of the room. Once he was out of sight, you playfully slapped Harrison’s arm.

“What was that for?” He asked, rubbing the hurt spot.

“We’re so going to get caught.” You stated.

“Mm, maybe it won’t be that bad.” He replied, placing his hands on your waist. He pecked your nose and smiled, “Besides we wouldn’t have to hide anymore.”

“Tom would kill you, you know that.” You were right and you both knew it. When Tom introduced you, his twin sister, to Harrison, he’d (jokingly) told Harrison that you were off limits. You and Harrison pushed aside your feelings for each other for years, knowing it’d be a challenge to win Tom’s approval- which you didn’t need, but you didn’t want to upset your brother’s friendship. You kissed Harrison again, reassuringly, “We’ll tell him when we’re ready.”

Just under an hour later, you found yourself sitting at the dining room table, surrounded by the boys and enjoying Tom’s dinner. Harrison sat across from you, his feet teasingly rubbing against yours. You shot him a quick glare, which your housemates thankfully missed, as a way to tell him to stop. He kept a poker face as his foot inched higher.

“Hey, Harrison,” Tuwaine distracted your boyfriend. He teasingly wiggled an eyebrow at him, asking, “Did your girl get your quarantine gift?”

Harrison’s face turned red as all eyes landed on him, including your horrified eyes. His feet dropped down off your legs instantly. You spoke up involuntarily, “Your what?”

“Harrison here has a secret girlfriend.” Tom said with a laugh from beside you. “We caught him shopping for her at Victoria’s Secret, so naturally we helped him out.”

“You didn’t help-“ Harrison started, looking at you apologetically. So he had slipped up. Your brothers- plus Tuwaine, knew he had a girlfriend now; they just didn’t realize it was you. Your stomach twisted as you processed Tom’s words- he had helped Harrison pick out the lingerie that you currently wore under your clothes (yes, you had worn Harrison’s gift, thinking it’d be a nice surprise for him to see, but now you weren’t so sure). Trying to calm yourself, you went to drink some water.

“Yeah, we did. The black one right?” You choked on your drink as your twin laughed some more, thinking Harrison’s embarrassment was the best thing in the world. 

“You alright?” Harry asked, concerned by your coughing.

“Y-yeah,” you cleared your throat. “Went the wrong way.”

Thankfully, the conversation ended there. It wasn’t until later that night that you could confront Harrison about it. Everyone else had gone to bed and so he snuck next door into your room.

“What the hell, Haz?” You questioned as soon as he closed the door quietly behind him. You kept your voice low, in case anyone happened to be awake still.

“They didn’t-“ He sighed at your pointed look, you demanded the truth from him. “Okay, they helped me pick out one of the sets, but I didn’t buy it. The one I sent you was the one I picked out all on my own. Come on, I’m not going to have your brothers unknowingly pick out lingerie for you.”

“Still. My brothers caught you buying lingerie for me.”

“They don’t know it’s you.” He insisted.

“Haz, my parents and Sam know I just got a box of Victoria’s Secret.” You replied, and Harrison took your hands in his.

“They’re not going to connect the dots. You buy yourself new underwear all the time. Not that I’m complaining.” Harrison smiled, cheekily. “Now, can I see your present? I need to know if I did a good job.”

“As long as you’re quiet.” You stated, letting his hands wander to remove your shirt.

“I’ll try my best.” He teased, pulling you in for a passionate kiss.

~~~

You and Harrison managed to go about keeping your secret safe for another week. He snuck into your room each night once everyone had gone to sleep and you two would make up for lost time from the day. He’d sneak back out early in the morning before anyone was up.

Still, you two managed to sneak around for a week, until Tuwaine found out. Tom and Harry were, thankfully, walking Tessa while you were preparing dinner. Harrison came into the kitchen and wrapped his arms around your waist, pressing kisses to your neck- his way of sweetly telling you that he wanted attention.

“Haz, not in the kitchen. I’m trying to make dinner.” You laughed softly, his beard tickling your neck. He had still yet to shave it, and you had started to really enjoy it.

“I can think of something else I’d rather eat.” He teased, slapping you butt a little to get his point across. You let out a laugh at his horniness, trying to stay focused on the steak in front of you.

“Oh my god!” Tuwaine exclaimed. He’d walked right into the kitchen, just in time to hear Harrison’s dirty comment. Harrison jumped away from you, holding his hands up in surrender.

“Tuwaine!” He cleared his throat, face turning red. You hid your own face in your hands, refusing to look at your friend. Harrison tried to explain himself, but you knew it was no use- there was no denying what Tuwaine had just witnessed, “I was just- I meant I wanted chicken tonight-”

“Y/N’s your secret girlfriend? The one we-”

“For the last time, I didn’t buy that one!” Harrison cut him off.

“This- this is weird, man.” Tuwaine said, pointing between the two of you.

“Please, just, don’t tell anyone. No one knows.” You pleaded, finally turning to look him in the eye.

“I won’t. Just, please god, not in the kitchen. Keep it in your pants, mate.” He fake gagged, proceeding to get himself a glass of water.

“Thanks.” Harrison said sarcastically. Once Tuwaine left, your boyfriend reached to wrap his arms around you, and you swatted his hand away.

“They’ll be back any minute.” You stated, shaking your head. He sighed, but settled for not touching you as Harry and Tom returned home.

Another few days went by with minimal difficulties. The five of you were getting along well, with the help of alcohol of course. You’d lived in a house with four boys before, two of which were the same boys as now; the chaoticness of the household wasn’t anything new to you. 

“Hey, Y/N! Sam’s on the phone!” Harry smiled, walking into the living room with his phone in hand.

“Sam!” You exclaimed happily as Harry sat next to you on the couch. You put your laptop aside to focus on the facetime call.

“Y/N, I can’t believe you left me with Paddy!” Sam groaned, through the phone.

“Hey, I heard that!” You and Harry laughed, hearing your youngest brother’s voice come through the phone.

“Hey, Paddy!” You smiled as he came into view beside Sam.

“How’s life on the other side, traitor?” Paddy asked with a small laugh.

“It’s good. We haven’t killed each other yet.” You teased.

“Where’s Tom at?”

“He went to the store with Haz.”

“Oi, wait ‘till I tell you-” Harry said, turning the phone so he was in the frame more than you, “Harrison’s got a girlfriend.” Sam and Paddy howled in laughter.

“No way!” Sam exclaimed, “Who’s the poor girl?”

“He won’t tell. Says he wants to see if it’ll last through quarantine or some shit.” He shrugged with his cheeky smile still on his face. You didn’t know if you should be offended by the comment or not- Harrison hadn’t told you he elaborated on the lie to the guys. You pushed aside your thoughts because there was no way your boyfriend of five months was really waiting to see if ‘it’ll last through quarantine or some shit’.

“He’s made her up, then.” Paddy stated.

“No, no, I’m serious. I heard him on the phone to her. I swear he was giggling.”

“He’s got it bad then.” The three boys laughed as your heart did silent flips, just thinking about Harrison’s little giggle that he’d let out whenever you said something he found ridiculously cute. He’d never admit to giggling, but he was so soft for you that they’d slip out every once in a while.

“Y/N, how’s that guy doing?” Sam asked, making Paddy and Harry look at you with raised eyebrows.

“You little shit.” You rolled your eyes at your younger brother. “It’s nothing.”

“So Haz has a secret girlfriend and you’re talking to a secret guy. Damn, it’s secret central over here.” Harry said with a laugh.

“Mate, have you not figured it out-” Tuwaine started walking into the room, stopping as he realized his words. You shot him a glare as he looked at you like a deer caught in headlights. “I didn’t say shit.”

“What were you going to say?” The twin sitting next to you asked. Sam let out a snort- an actual snort, when he took in your embarrassed face.

“Oh my god, Y/N’s fucking Haz!” Sam exclaimed. You heard a loud ‘what’ from his side of the phone call and you cringed, recognizing it as your father’s voice. Realizing the weight of the situation, Tuwaine just slowly backed out of the room, not wanting to get involved in the Holland family drama.

“You’re what?” Harry shot up, letting go of his phone in the process. You dropped your head into your hands in embarrassment.

“Sam! Headphones!” You groaned.

All at once, you heard a flurry of questions from your brothers- “how long?”, “really Harrison?”, “how could you not tell us?”. But they all drowned out when your dad and mum grabbed Sam’s phone.

“Hi, mum, dad.” You said with a sheepish smile.

“You’re dating Harrison?” Your dad asked, not returning your smile.

“Yes.” You confessed, “I just didn’t tell you all because I didn’t want to tell Tom.”

“Ah, he’d kill him.” Your mum acknowledged as Sam laughed. “That makes me so happy, though. Harrison’s a good lad.”

“How long?” Sam asked.

“Five months.” You mumbled, not wanting to really admit the length.

“Five months? Oh my god.” Your dad sighed, not amused by the situation. You were his little girl and he was protective over you- same with all four of your younger brothers (yes, you were older than Tom by a whole ten minutes), but you could tell even your dad had to admit Harrison wasn’t the worst secret boyfriend you could’ve had.

“Please, just, no one say anything to Tom. I’ll tell him, eventually.” You said.

“You tell him sometime this week.” Your mum warned, “You know he doesn’t like it when you keep secrets from him.”

“I know.” You heard the car pull up outside the house. “We’ve got to go. Talk to you all later.” You waved goodbye at your family before hanging up the facetime call.

“Five months? With Harrison? Are you serious right now?” Harry spoke up really for the first time since the revelation.

“I’m sorry, I just don’t know how to tell Tom.” You said, keeping an eye on the front door to make sure your twin wasn’t walking in.

“I’ll keep your secret, but make sure Harrison knows if he hurts you, we’ll kick his ass.” You laughed at Harry’s attempt to sound threatening.

“He won’t.” You assured him.

“Hold up a minute, so you’re the girlfriend he was buying-” Before Harry could finish his question (that you really didn’t want to talk about with him), the front door opened as Tom and Harrison returned, arms full of groceries.

“You’re back!” You got up, putting on a smile to help them with the remaining bags. Harry stayed quiet about the previous discussion, which you were more than grateful for.

As the week went on, you felt an uneasy sense in your gut, knowing you had to tell Tom eventually. You knew your family would grow restless from keeping the secret once your week was up.

“You alright, sweetheart?” Harrison asked you one night. You were laying on your side and in his arms, getting lost in the ocean that was his eyes. Your chests pressed together and your legs intertwined from your activities just moments ago.

“Just thinking.” You murmured.

“About?” He moved a few loose strands of hair out of your face and cupped your cheek softly.

“They all know.” Your voice just barely above a whisper, “Sam, Harry, Paddy, my parents. They all know now, except for Tom.”

“How?”

“We facetimed the other day.” You went through the whole story with him, explaining how Tuwaine unintentionally set off a massive spark of secrets. Harrison just let out a small chuckle, and you felt his chest vibrate through yours.

“So that’s why Harry’s been giving me the evil eye whenever I’m near you.” He laughed quietly.

“Yeah, probably.” You hummed in agreement.

“I know you’re worried, but Tom will come around. He’s just got to warm up to the idea.” He kissed you reassuringly and you found comfort in his touch and in his words.

“I just don’t want to lose you, and I don’t want you to lose Tom.”

“You’ll never lose me.” Harrison reassured you. “There’s no ultimatum here; I can be with you and be friends with Tom.”

“I’ve never kept a secret from him before, at least not one this big.”

“I know. It’ll be okay.” He placed a chaste kiss to your forehead before looking at you with the softest possible smile on his face, “You’re my whole word, you know that?”

“You’re my world, too.” You smiled as he pulled you in for a tender kiss full of love. 

Harrison didn’t want to hide your relationship any longer, and you could tell the secret was starting to take a toll on him, but he loved you so if you weren’t ready to tell Tom yet, then he’d wait until you were. His loyalty was one of the things you loved most about him.

Telling Tom ended up not going the way you wanted it to. You and Harrison had kind of forgotten to set an alarm to make sure he returned to his room early. So you two woke up to a very loud, “What the fuck?” at nine in the morning.

“Tom, oh my god.” You shrieked, pulling the blanket up to cover you even though you were wearing Harrison’s t-shirt as your pajama top. Harrison froze in your bed, unsure of what to do. Your bedroom floor was covered with a mixture of your clothes and Harrison’s, and the two of you were definitely sporting a combination of bedhead and sex hair- you knew exactly what it looked like.

“I’m going to fucking kill you!” Tom shouted. As he lunged forward, you had never seen the boxer-clad Harrison jump out of the bed so fast.

“Tom! Stop it!” You let out an unhelpful yell. Harrison bolted past Tom, and your twin chased after him through the house, shouting various curses. You ran after Tom, trying to calm him down.

“What the hell’s going on?” Harry asked sleepily, opening his door as you passed by it.

“Tom’s gonna kill Haz.” You said, and Harry seemed to spring to life. The two of you followed the sound of Tom’s shouting to the living room.

“Did you sleep with my sister?” Tom yelled.

“Tom, knock it off!” Harry shouted as the two of you rushed into the living room to see Tom wrestling the half-naked Harrison on the floor.

“Thomas Stanley Holland, you get off of him, now.” You raised your voice, giving him your sternest stare. Tom let out a huff, but let Harrison go. Your boyfriend awkwardly clambered out of the room, attempting to hide from the furious Tom.

“What the hell, Y/N?” Tom asked, fists still clenched in anger.

“I’m dating Harrison, deal with it.” You said, crossing your arms at him.

“What happened to us telling each other everything? I told him, you’re-”

“I love him, and he loves me.” You cut him off. “I didn’t want to tell you because I knew that you’d react this way. You almost just killed your best friend because he’s also my boyfriend.”

Tom didn’t reply. He just simply huffed and stormed off to his room, slamming his door loudly for effect.

“Well, that went well.” Harry said, sarcastically, from beside you. You rolled your eyes and made your way back to your room. You stopped at Harrison’s door, knowing from the light that he was in there. You quietly let yourself in to see him lying on his bed, fully clothed now.

“That’s not how I wanted that to go.” You sighed, climbing into the bed beside him.

“Tell me about it.” Harrison chuckled.

“I’m sorry my rabid twin attacked you.”

“It’s alright. How is he?”

“Stormed off.” You shrugged lightly. “He’ll talk when he’s ready.”

“Just hope that’s sooner rather than later.” He admitted. Sensing the nervousness in his tone, you pressed a kiss to his lips, trying to ease his mind off the tense situation at hand.

Now that everyone in the house knew about you and Harrison, you two didn’t shy away from each other and put up your normal friendly routine. Instead, you found yourself sitting in Harrison’s lap as he sat on one of the chairs outside on the back patio. His fingers were playing with the ends of your hair, his other hand resting on your leg comfortably.

You two were pulled from your conversation when the backdoor opened and closed, just a little harsher than usual. Tom wordlessly took a seat across from you and Harrison, observing your sitting position for a moment before he spoke up.

“Look, I get it.” He started. “I get why you two didn’t tell me because I just- I blew up. Y/N, you’re my sister; I’m always going to be protective over you. And I did tell Harrison that you were off-limits when I first introduced you two, but you know what? I guess I’m glad you two found each other anyway. If there’s anyone I’d trust to take care of my sister, it’d be you, Harrison.” Tom stood up, finished with his sincere speech. You and Harrison smiled at his genuinity.

“Thanks, Tom.” You said, softly. He walked back to the door, stopping just as he opened it.

“And Harrison, if you ever buy my sister lingerie again, I will kick your ass.”

“Got it.” Harrison replied as you laughed. Tom left back inside the house, and you turned to face your boyfriend.

“So two of my brothers have already threatened to kick your ass. You sure I’m worth it?” You teased.

“If it means I can do this,” He pecked your lips, “anytime I want then this is all so worth it.” He finished, pulling you in for a longer kiss again. You smiled against his lips, maybe quarantine wouldn’t be so bad after all.

[lorei-writes]

Chains Broken

Masamune x MC Family AU Some Angst, Some Fluff

There’s a certain amount of indulgence to wiring a parent fic where not all is well, but the parent is there for their child when they need it the most. (It ended up less angsty than when I first thought of it).

Word estimate: 2,6k

Content Warnings: child emotional abuse (the moment is not described; not within family; responsible parents)

I fear this matter cannot be dealt with via correspondence. I hope to meet my granddaughter during the visit.

Dim flame flickered over a candle, the light it produced touching documents over his desk. Masamune stole a glance at their futon, Mai staring back at him impatiently. An extorter, he chuckled in his mind, returning his attention to the work at hand. The pile decreasing at a steady pace, he reached towards it one last time for the day. A familiar seal. Hairs on his neck stood up, sudden frost travelling down his spine. His fingers curled up, nails digging into the letter, threatening to tear the paper apart. Signs formed by ink did not matter much to him anymore, the message having already been delivered. He read it over, again and again, yet it refused to change, the very despised words burning him on the inside, flooding his mind with memories he’d rather forget. Why then, when she hadn’t shown herself in so long? To come up with such a questionable excuse, no less one he could not easily dispute…

I fear this matter cannot be dealt with via correspondence. I hope to meet my granddaughter during the visit.

‘My granddaughter’, he repeated in his thoughts, the phrase leaving a bitter taste over his tongue. She’d say she hadn’t have a son, yet his daughter was her grandchild? Unexpected anger welled up inside of him, suspicions beginning to emerge. ‘I hope to meet my granddaughter’, but why? If there was one thing he knew, it was that his mother never cared much for family connections of such kind. His eye narrowed – what could she gain? What…

Masamune flinched. Having opened his hand forcibly, warm fingers laced with his, writing brush falling out of his grip. “ You’ve been clutching it really hard. What happened?” Mai asked, observing him carefully, her brows knitted in concern. How could he put it in words? Should he even try? “ Find out yourself,” he said, surprised by his own voice, and passed her the letter. Masamune watched as her face grew darker with each sentence, a frown appearing over it upon reaching the final request. Without a hint of hesitation, she crumbled the paper and threw it onto the floor. “ I do not want this woman anywhere near Iroha,” she stated firmly. “Me neither, kitten,” he sighed, brushing his hair back with his fingers. He clenched his jaw, all strategies his mind could conjure leading to the very same results. “ Please, tell me we can just not let her in.” He looked away – she placed a hand on his cheek, drawing him back towards her. A single glance at her eyes: she knew. “ I can’t,” he forced out of himself. He couldn’t. They? He wished, he wished his choice would affect nobody but them. “ Mother’s side of the family is only waiting for an excuse to start a war. I can’t give it to them.” He hoped she’d understand – although he had no guarantee, part of his soul being against the very idea just as well. Yet, despite worry that hung over her form, she nodded and smiled at him reassuringly. Her hands on his shoulders, Mai pulled him forward, and he gave into her touch willingly, his head soon resting against her chest as she stroked his back. “ I see,” she breathed out, forcing her muscles to relax. “ I will keep her safe. I promise.” “ We will, tiger, we will. We’re in this together.”

***

The day of Yoshihime’s arrival came, hushed whispers flying over the corridors. Yet wherever Masamune went, even those turned into silence, sympathetic looks replacing all words. What could they say? To pity their lord was unthinkable, even reminiscent of a grave offence… However, as humans, they couldn’t help themselves, some still remembering the time his mother lived at Aoba castle with them, the older servants passing their account of the events onto the ones that remained unaware of the past.

The sun still rose into the sky, time had no intention to wait. Iroha yawned and rubbed at her eyes, Mai brushing her hair as their day began. “ Kitty, do you remember what I and dad asked you to do?” she asked, guiding the brush through the chocolate brown strands. “ Food only from dad, mama and Kojuro.” “ Good. What else?” “ Scream loud when scared? Like Kojuro when… When… When I rode on Shogetsu?” “ Yes,” Mai laughed, leaning forward to place a kiss at the crown of their daughter’s head. “ We’ll be having a visitor today, she may stay for several days.” “ Does it mean dad won’t have time?” Iroha whined, her lips turning into a pout. She let her gaze fall, her tiny hands curling into fists. “ He may be busy in the evening, yes. But he promised to cook dinner and supper today, and to eat it with us, so I’m sure he’ll take a break. Dad promised you he’ll find more time, didn’t he?” The girl shot up, her blue eyes lighting up as she tilted her head back, staring at her mother. “ He did,” she gasped in awe. “ And dad never breaks his promises… And if he was slacking on this one, we can always nag him a little, right?” Mai giggled, winking at Iroha. “ But, now, do you want to help dad cook? He went ahead to prepare breakfast, if we hurry he may still have something for you to do.” She didn’t have to wait for an answer, her little girl already running out of the room.

It was still before noon when lady Yoshihime arrived with her entourage, castle gates opening to welcome her. Mai stood by Masamune’s side, awaiting what was to come, tension sneaking into her shoulders. Wood creaked dangerously – and then, all she could hear was drumming of horse hooves, clouds of dust being kicked into the air. She coughed, her eyes burning, temporarily blinded by dirt. Instinctively, she leaned forward, but he pulled her back by the waist, protectively wrapping his arms around her. Having calmed down her breathing, she dared to look up, a woman staring down at them from a horse. Gracefully, she rode closer, just to stop it right in front of them. “ Welcome, mother,” Masamune exclaimed, not a hint of emotion seeping past his smile.  “ I was right in predicting you wouldn’t take a palanquin.” The lady dismounted, her lips curling up as to be polite. To say they looked similar would be an understatement – yet there was something different in the way she carried herself too, something strict and harsh, so very unlike the personality of her son. “ I’m glad yo see you in good health, Masamune,” Yoshihime replied. “And this, I presume, is your wife I have heard so many stories about?” “ I’m honoured to meet you, my lady,” Mai spoke up, certain kind of uneasiness clawing at her back – she hoped that at least this white lie could pass. As if to regain control of the situation, Masamune took initiative. “ You must be tired, mother. Maids will show you the way to your quarters.”

First few days of her visit went smoothly, Yoshihime and Iroha never once crossing paths. However, the longer it went on, the more dread Mai felt, eventually almost starting to expect something terrible to occur. Hoping it’d be enough, she always stayed around, observing her daughter – the moment the girl disappeared from before her eyes, she heard a cry. Her blood froze, numbness sneaking up her forearms. Mai ran, the worst possible scenarios circling through her mind. She reached the corridor leading to the veranda, her vision narrowing: there was only the door and the sound.

Fresh air hit her face and she heard rushed steps, the cry growing louder with each second. She snapped her head to the side, a nanny walking fast in her direction with Iroha in her arms. “ I want to dad!” the girl screamed, tears running down her cheeks. “ I know, princess, I know. We’re going to find your parents fast,” the woman hummed, a friction of concern lifting off of her face upon noticing Mai. The next thing she knew, the girl was already cradled by her mother. She stroked her back tenderly and hugged her tightly, whispered soothing words in her ear – yet the hurt refused to subside. “ Mama, I want dad too,” Iroha sobbed, curling into Mai, her shoulders still shaking with each breath. “ What happened, kitty?” No reply – Mai turned her head towards the nanny, the woman looking away from her. She threw herself on the ground, touching her forehead to it as she bowed. “ I’m so sorry, my lady. Lady Yoshihime personally requested to talk with little princess. I didn’t think any harm could be done with other people in the gardens like that. I… I wasn’t thinking, I’m, I…” she stuttered, distressed over what she had, or much rather had not, done. “ Please, stand up,” Mai asked calmly, Iroha starting to become impatient. “ What exactly did Yoshihime say?” “ I… I don’t know, my lady. Lady Yoshihime leaned down and whispered something to little princess several times. I couldn’t hear.” A pull on her sleeve – Mai looked down, Iroha gazing up at her, her eyes red and puffy from crying. “ Mama.” “ We’re going, we’re going.” She was just turning around, a chocked down call stopping her once more. “ M-My lady, I…” the nanny uttered, covering her lips with her hands. “ Later. Go rest and don’t be scared.”

Corridors seemed to stretch into eternity, each step forward pushing her two back. Tears stained her kimono, her back beginning to hurt under Iroha’s weight. Mai re-adjusted her grip, her daughter clinging to her tightly the entire time, as if she was scared of ever letting go. She quieted down significantly, hiding her face in the crook of her mother’s neck, only sometimes peaking out to steal glances at their surroundings. Their pace slowing down, her muscles relaxed, even if only a friction, tiredness overtaking her as they reached the corridor leading to the audience hall.

The door slid open, Masamune exiting through it followed by Kojuro. The men seemed to still be discussing some matter, unable to come to a mutual agreement – yet, their conversation was cut short, high pitched cry ripping air apart as tears began to flow down Iroha’s cheeks anew. His eye opened wider, his entire body turning towards them on instinct. “ Daad!” she shouted, holding onto her mother’s shoulder with one hand as not to fall, her father already reaching to hold her. Secured in his arms, she snuggled into him, her back shaking. “ What’s wrong, kitty?” he asked and she peeled herself away from him to look him in the face. “ Please, don’t give me away, please,” her voice broke. “ Lady in the garden said girls are no use, and that you are stupid. And that you don want me. I don wanna goo!” Masamune clenched his jaw, pulling her into a tight hug. “ That lady lied, kitty,” he said as softly as he could, his eye gleaming with cold rage.

***

Sheets rustled, Iroha turning in her sleep to snuggle with her plush toy. Masamune sighed, her face still being red from crying, even after he managed to calm her down. He propped himself on his elbow, his hand reaching to stroke her hair. He stayed there a little longer, expecting her to wake up again and call after him or Mai. He wondered, was that everything his mother had told her? He’d have to ask later…

The door slid open and his gaze shot up, his wife quietly walking up towards them. She sat down at the edge of the futon and tucked Iroha in better. “ Has she cried much?” “ She’s woken up two times. She seems to be sleeping deeper now.” Mai nodded in reply, her brows knitting in concern. “ Go finish your work, I’ll take over here.” Masamune smiled tiredly at her, kissing her forehead before getting up. “ Thanks,” he whispered, already walking away.

Perhaps there was no benefit in talking to his mother. After all, he knew better than anybody to assume she’d change her mind… Yet he couldn’t stay quiet either, the thought of ignoring the matter freezing his stomach and turning it upside-down. Perhaps he should have stood his ground and not allow her to come in the first place – regardless, it had already happened. He could only deal with the consequences of his actions now.

Masamune didn’t request a meeting, it was a demand. He didn’t have to wait long, a table with a teapot set atop it waiting for him, his mother sitting on the other side – as if he’d ever try to taste anything prepared by her. He gritted his teeth. “ What is it that brings you here?” she asked, sipping at the beverage in her cup. “ I prohibit you from talking to my daughter,” Masamune stated blankly. “ I believe that the matter that brought you here has been sufficiently resolved. As such, I expect you to leave.” Yoshihime raised her eyebrows. “ It should be hospitality, not hostility,” she snarked, letting her gaze drop. Leaning forward, he stared at her, anger boiling inside of him – but to the outside, he was collected, even cold. “ You abused my hospitality the moment you decided to hurt my child.” “ She has to grow up eventu – ” “ She hasn’t even turned four yet,” he cut her off. “ And what exactly are you waiting for? You turned out acceptable, at least given your state. She, however, will not. The Date need a strong heir, not a useless princess. Time is running out, Masamune. You already married without a benefit to –” “ I think you misunderstood,” he laughed and shook his head, his mood shifting as he smiled at her. “ I’m not asking for any advice. I’m telling you to get out of my castle while I’m still kind.” Yoshihime opened her mouth, but he was faster than her yet once again. “ Also, do keep in mind that the next time you decide to hurt my family will be the last one.” Unceremoniously, Masamune got up and started walking away. “ Your father would have disagreed!” she called after him in an attempt to disrupt his balance. “ Father is not here.” Masamune didn’t look back, disregarding her blatant provocation. Memories snuck into his mind – monster, a demon… Was that what she called him then, after he fired the shot? He laughed bitterly in his soul. No matter what had he ever done, it was not good enough for her. Why should he even care anymore?

He strode down the corridors of his castle, each step bringing him closer to their bedrooms. He had been hurt, even badly so – but it was past. His past. It would not become the future of his child, not while he still had something to say on that matter. A quiet laughter coming from Iroha’s bedroom, Masamune peaked inside. Shogetsu-the-third (also known as the fat red cat that somehow got adopted into the family) attempting to snuggle into Iroha, her little hands pushed him away, the kitty coming back no matter how hard she tried. “ No, silly cat, no,” the girl giggled, stealing a glance at her mother, Mai barely managing to keep a straight face. “ I will not give you treats for snuggles.” “ I think he just wants hugs, kitty,” she noted, patting Iroha’s head. Somewhat distracted, the girl looked up, her face lighting up. Masamune smiled in reply.

It was his family, the one thing he never truly had before and still wasn’t sure how to act about. Yet, through uncertainty and doubt, there was one thing he was certain of: he’d never sit back and let anybody hurt those beloved eyes. Never.

Tag list: @datenoriko​, @nad-zeta​, @tsubaki3192, @jiyuu-chan, @missjudge-me, @ikemencrossedmyth​, @plumpblueberry , @nimeryaa, @nuttytani, @thesirenwashere, @milas-imaginarium, @kisara-16, @yukas-clover, @alerialumina , @cheese-ception If you want to be tagged under my future works, let me know (any way works)! ^^ Also, if you have some preferences (for example: you’d rather not be tagged under some series, etc.), please, tell me.  If you don’t want to be tagged anymore - please, do not feel bad about it, just say so :)

[barrysjumpsuit]

the dark side - jj maybank x shoupe’s daughter, ch. 1

w/c: 1.9k

summary:  catherine shoupe has the perfect life. when she gets hired by heyward to run groceries, she has a new coworker - jj maybank. as the deputy’s daughter, she can’t help but hate him. but when jj decides to bring her to the dark side and woo her over, cat not only has to hide her activities from her father, but also hide who she really is.

warnings: none for this chapter

a/n: i’m super excited for this! making it up as i go.... posting may be slightly delayed/irregular since i’m busy with working and moving but who knows i’ll probably waste my time and work on this more than i should

---

Cat’s feet and back ached, and the sun felt good on her cool skin as she stepped out of the overly air-conditioned grocery store she had been in since they opened that morning. She sat down on a bench in a shaded area between the store and a coffee shop, resting and enjoying her fifteen minute break.

The same thing. Every day, five days a week. Cat would be the opener for the grocery store, getting there at four in the morning and working until ten. It was smaller, a hippie fresh market type of place with fresh produce and organic products. Very Kook-y. It drew tourists and locals alike, as well as a bunch of people her age, working for grocery delivery services.

Morning shifts in the summer were nice because they drew more of the local crowd. The working class, like her, though still kooks. Moms grabbing their groceries after dropping their kids off at school, working professionals stopping by for premade sandwiches or donuts for their coworkers. That particular morning, her dad had stopped by for his own lunch and spent entirely too long chatting with her.

Cat enjoyed seeing people, asking them about plans for their days. She often suggested the best surfing spots and restaurants to the non-locals, while striking up easy conversations with the regulars that frequented the market in the mornings. After work she often took her brother out to the beach. It was her mission this summer to teach him how to surf. In the evenings, if her dad wasn’t working, she would help her mom cook dinner and they would have a big family meal. It was repetitive, but perfect and full of things and people she loved.

After her fifteen minute break was up, she went back inside, but her manager pulled her aside before she returned to her checking lane.

“Hey, Catherine, come see me in my office?” Mrs. Lee’s voice rang out. 

There was a brief nervousness that made Cat’s stomach roll over, but it quickly vanished once she saw the smile on the store owner’s face. “So you know Heyward, right?”

“Of course,” she answered, smiling at the thought. She knew the man and his son well - they were always in and out, buying groceries for their customers. “He’s awesome. What about him?”

“He and I are partners now,” she continued, obviously excited about the development. “He’s looking to hire some new people to deliver groceries. I know you love being out on the water and talking to people, so I figured I’d ask to see if you were interested. It’ll come with a bump in your pay, too.”

“Yes!” she said, perhaps a little too eagerly. “I’m definitely interested. Does he want an interview?”

Mrs. Lee laughed. “He said if you were interested, you’re on board automatically. He knows you’re a good worker. I’ll call him and let him know and get back at you, okay?”

“Sounds good! Thanks, Mrs. Lee,” Cat said, smiling back at her before leaving her office.

Going back to her checking lane was almost bittersweet, knowing that lane three had been hers for almost two years. As soon as she flipped her light back on, a local came through, eagerly starting up a conversation and letting Cat know how his son was doing in the summer little league baseball series.

After she got off, she cranked the AC on in her car and began the drive home. The place was flooded with tourists, the summer season officially in full swing. She lived right off the main strip, which was fun and convenient, but could get annoying when anyone and everyone was there. 

“Hey Cat!” her brother greeted her as she got home. He was sitting on the couch, watching TV.

“Hey Tyler! Want to go out for ice cream later?” she asked, and he nodded excitedly. “I’ll make us some lunch then we can go after that.”

“Okay!” she heard him respond as she jogged up the carpeted steps. She walked past her parent’s bedroom and then into hers, kicking off her shoes and changing into flowy shorts and a basic tee before going back downstairs to make lunch.

The rest of the day was pleasant and uneventful. After they ate lunch, she took Tyler to the ice cream place two blocks away. He got birthday cake while she got peppermint, enjoying the cool sensation on the hot day. They walked on the beach, her brother talking nonstop about the video game he was playing, while Cat smiled and faked listening.

She was really listening to the sound of the waves lapping at the store, and the voices of those who lounged on the beach. Some were playing in the ocean, some were playing games in the soft sand. 

Her father was off work at six, so once they returned home, it wasn’t long until her mother got off work and they started prepping dinner. Cat’s mom was laid back, always smiling, which she loved. She left her work at the office, unlike her father.

Being the daughter of a sheriff’s deputy was odd. Cat didn’t mind it. There were rules in place, of course, but she hadn’t any urge to break them. There were people from her school out doing drugs and drinking most nights of the week, but Cat had never touched any of that. She had a curfew, but she didn’t really mind it.

Her dad got home right before dinner was ready. He pulled Cat towards him, kissing the top of her head before kissing her mom on the lips. “How are my ladies this evening?” he asked, grinning. A patch on his uniform read Shoupe in bold letters, and he was still fully clad in his uniform.

“Pretty good,” Cat answered, stirring the sauce that was simmering on the stove. 

They made light conversation until her dad went to change out of his work clothes while Cat and her mom set the table and plated up dinner.

“How was work, Cat?” her dad asked when they were sat down and eating.

“It was good. The usual. But, I got a new job!”

“Oh?” her mom asked, taking a sip of wine and raising her eyebrows. 

“Heyward and Mrs. Lee are working together now, and Heyward needs runners. So he wants me. I get a pay bump too.”

Cat was smiling, but it dropped when she saw her dad’s face. Her mom noticed too, casting him a glare, and he spoke. “That’s great, honey. But be careful, okay?”

She couldn’t help but roll her eyes. Her father hated her going near the Cut. Not that she had much reason or urge to, but she knew it could be rough down there. He often worked down there, on the south side of the island, and constantly told stories about shoplifting Pogues and underage drinking. “Dad, it’s Heyward’s. It’s basically Figure Eight.”

“I know, I’m just saying,” he said, raising his hands in surrender.

“Can you take me on the delivery boat sometime?” Tyler asked, luckily rerouting the conversation.

The issue was luckily dropped, but Cat still felt bad. She didn’t know why - she was seizing the opportunity, something her parents had always encouraged. Cat had been working ever since she was old enough. Her father always told her, a good work ethic is the most important thing you can have. They were urging her to save up for college, and now she was essentially being promoted.

Mrs. Lee had texted her during dinner. Heyward wants you to start tomorrow! Meet him at 9, wear whatever you want.

She responded to the text before settling down in bed with a book. At ten, before she went to bed, her father stepped into her room after knocking softly on her door.

“Hey, dad,” she said, and he walked over to sit on her bed. Cat pulled her feet up to give him some room and put her book down on her nightstand.

“I’m happy for you, Cat,” he said, smiling at her. “Just be careful, okay? With all the boat traffic now and going everywhere… Heyward’s a good guy. I trust him.”

“I will, dad. You know me. I grew up on the water.”

He smiled again. “Yeah, you did. Have fun tomorrow, okay? Good night.”

“G’night, dad,” she said as her father stood and left the room.

---

Cat woke up early, not used to getting to sleep in since she usually was at the grocery store before dawn. Her parents had already left for work, leaving Tyler in front of the TV as normal. She made a smoothie before changing into shorts and a t-shirt. 

“Bye, Ty!” she called as she left the house at 8:30, closing the back door behind her before heading to her car.

It was about a 20 minute drive to Heyward’s from her house. When she got there, she quickly located him on the dock, filling a gas can. As she stepped onto the dock, he gave her a wave, and quickly hurried over.

Heyward gave her an impromptu ‘training’. How to read the orders, how to use the boat’s navigation. It was simple, and she knew most of the people who had put in orders for that day. “Right now I have two people who shop and two of you who run and deliver together, each day,” he was explaining. “Here’s your work shirt, I don’t give a damn what pants you wear as long as your ass isn’t hangin’ out.”

He thrust three t-shirts of different colors towards her, each with the Heyward’s logo printed on it before taking her into the office to discuss her pay and scheduling. Since she was already in the system, it went by quickly, and she ran her printed schedule to her car and slipped into her new work shirt before returning to the dock. 

“There’s those sons of bitches getting back now,” he said, waving at two people who stood on a white boat pulling up to dock. “Catherine, go ahead and start carrying over the groceries in the cooler over there, time for your first run.”

She went inside the small building and started pulling bags out of the ice, full of produce and goods from her store. She noticed Heyward’s son, Pope, standing on the boat, and he held out his hands to take the bags from her to load.

“You working here now?” he asked, and she nodded. Cat had always liked Pope; they went to the same school until high school. He was quiet and witty, which she appreciated, and they had even sat together at lunch one year.

As soon as she finished handing Pope the groceries, she took his outstretched hand and climbed onto the boat.

“Hey Catherine!” she heard Heyward call. She turned to see him, grinning at her. “These are your new coworkers. Have fun.”

Pope grinned at her, but Heyward said coworkers. Plural.

A blond boy came into her line of sight, smirking. Cat’s heart sank as she recognized who it was, and she considered getting off the boat, but couldn’t bring herself to move or speak. It was someone she hadn’t seen in quite a while, and she was okay with that.

JJ was the first to speak up, his voice smooth and cocky. “Hey, kitty Cat, long time, no see.”

---

taglist:  @letsgofullkook @stargazingstarkey @sortagaysortahigh @jjsmentalpolaroids @ims0golden @jjmaybcnks​ @shawnssongs​ @queenk00k @broken-jj​

[letterboxd]

The Package.

As the bonkers genre thrill-ride Shadow in the Cloud blasts into the new year, writer and director Roseanne Liang unpacks her love of Terminator 2, watching Chloë Grace Moretz’s face for hours, and the life lesson she learned from Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon’s Cheng Pei-Pei.

Roseanne Liang’s TIFF Midnight Madness winner Shadow in the Cloud landed with a blast of fresh genre energy on VOD platforms on New Year’s Day. It’s A-class action in a B-grade body, cramming plenty into its taut 83 minutes, including: a top-secret package, a freakish gremlin, a hostile bunch of Air Force dudes, outrageous stunts, dogfights and a fake wartime PSA that feels remarkably real.

Throughout, the camera is focused mostly on one face—Chloë Grace Moretz’s, playing British flight officer Maude Garrett—as she tackles all of the above from a claustrophobic ball turret hanging under a B-17 Flying Fortress, on a classified mission over the Pacific Ocean during World War II.

While the film’s tonal swings are confusing to some, schlock enthusiasts and genre lovers on Letterboxd have embraced the film’s intentionally outlandish sensibility, which “makes excellent use of its genre mash to create an unpredictable, guilty pleasure,” says Mirza. Fajar writes that “it felt like the people involved in this project knew how ridiculous it is and gave a hundred and ten percent to make it work. Someday, it will become a cult classic.” Mawbey agrees: “It really goes off the rails in all the best ways during the final third, and the last couple of shots are just perfect.”

Chloë Grace Moretz and her top-secret package in ‘Shadow in the Cloud’.

To most of the world, Liang is a so-called “emerging” director, when in fact, the mother-of-two, born in New Zealand to Chinese parents, has been at this game for the past two decades. She has helmed a documentary and a romantic drama, both based on her own marriage; a 2008 short called Take 3, which preceded Hollywood’s current conversation about representation and harassment; and Do No Harm, the splatter-tastic 2017 short in which her technical chops and fluid feel for action were on full display, and, as recorded in multiple Letterboxd reviews, established her as one to watch.

Do No Harm scored Liang valuable Hollywood representation, whereupon producer Brian Kavanaugh-Jones brought Shadow in the Cloud to her, thinking she might connect with the material. “It did connect with me on a level that is very personal,” Liang tells me. “As a woman of color, as a mother who juggles a lot.” She says Kavanaugh-Jones then went through the process of removing original writer Max Landis from the project. “He felt that Max was not a good fit for this project, or for how we like to run things. We like to be respectful and courteous and kind to each other…”

In several interviews, Liang has said she’s comfortable with film lovers choosing not to watch Shadow in the Cloud based on Landis’s early involvement. What she’s not comfortable with is her own contribution—and that of her cast and crew—being erased. While WGA rules have his name attached firmly to the project, the credit belies the reality: his thin script, reportedly stretched out to 70 pages by using a larger-than-usual font, was expanded and deepened by Liang and her collaborators.

Writer-director Roseanne Liang. / Photo by Dean O’Gorman

That team includes editor Tom Eagles, Oscar nominated for Jojo Rabbit, actor Nick Robinson (the titular Simon in Love, Simon) and Beulah Koale, a star of the Hawaii Five-Oh series. The opening newsreel was created by award-winning New Zealand animation studio Mukpuddy, after a small test audience got weirded out by the sight of a gremlin in a war film, despite well-documented WWI and WWII gremlin mythology. It’s an unnecessary but happy addition. The cartoon style was inspired by Private Snafu, a series of WWII educational cartoons scripted by none other than Dr. Seuss and directed by Looney Tunes legend Chuck Jones.

But the film ultimately hangs on Chloë Grace Moretz, who overcame cabin fever to drive home an adrenaline rush of screen craft, in which the very limits of what’s humanly possible in mid-air are tested (in ways, it must be said, that wouldn’t be questioned if it were Tom Cruise in the role). Liang would often send directions to Moretz’s ball turret via text, while her cast members delivered live dialogue from an off-set shipping container rigged with microphones. “I just never got sick of Chloë’s face and I’ve watched her hundreds, if not thousands of times. You feel her, you are her, she just engages you in a way that a huge fighting scene might not, if it’s not designed well. Giant empty spectacle is less interesting than one person in one spot, sometimes.”

Ambitious and nerdy about film in equal measure, it’s clear there’s much more to come from Liang, and I’m interested in what her most valuable lesson has been so far. Turns out, it’s a great story involving Chinese veteran Cheng Pei-Pei (Come Drink With Me’s Golden Swallow, and Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon’s Jade Fox), whose film training includes a tradition of remaining on set throughout filming.

Roseanne Liang on the set of ‘Shadow in the Cloud’.

That meant that, during filming of Liang’s My Wedding and Other Secrets, Cheng would stay on set when she wasn’t required. “In New Zealand, trailers are a luxury,” Liang explains. “I said ‘Don’t you want to go to the trailer that we arranged for you?’ ‘No, I just want to sit and watch.’ ‘Why do you want to watch it, you’ve seen it hundreds of times!’ And she said ‘I learn something new every time’. To Pei-Pei, the secret of life is constant education and curiosity and learning. Movies are her work and her craft and her life, and she never gets bored. If I can be like her, that’s the life, right?”

Speaking of which, it’s time we put Liang through our Life in Film interrogation.

What’s the film that made you want to become a filmmaker? Terminator 2: Judgment Day is the movie that is at the top of the mountain that I’m climbing. To me it’s the perfect blend of spectacle, action design, smarts and heart. It poses the theory that if a robot can learn the value of humanity then maybe there’s hope for the ships that are us. That’s perennial, and possibly even more pertinent today. It holds a very special place in my heart, along with Aliens, Mad Max: Fury Road, Die Hard, La Femme Nikita and Léon: The Professional.

What’s your earliest memory of watching a film? I have a cassette tape that my dad made for my grandma in 1981 (he’d send tapes back to his mother in Hong Kong). I was three years old and he had just taken us to see The Empire Strikes Back in the cinema. And he can’t talk to my grandma because I’m just going on and on about R2-D2. I will not shut up about R2-D2 and he’s like, “Yes, yes I’m trying to talk to your grandmother,” and I’m like, “But Dad! Dad! R2-D2!” So it’s actually an archive, but it’s become my memory.

What’s the most romantic film you’ve ever seen? Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. It’s not the sexiest, but it’s the most romantic. That last scene, those last words where she goes “But you’re gonna be like this forever and I’m gonna be like this forever…” and he just goes “okay”. That to me is one of the most romantic scenes I’ve ever seen. It is a perfect movie.

And the scariest? If it’s a horror movie, the most scared I’ve been is The Ring. I was watching it on a VHS and I was lying on a beanbag on the floor and I was paralyzed with fear. I couldn’t move, because I felt that if I moved she’d see me! Also, American Psycho just came to me this year. I caught the twentieth anniversary of that movie, which is a terrifying film, and again, possibly more relevant now than when it was made. The scariest film that’s not a horror is Joker. It scared me how much I liked it. When I came out of the movie, I was like, “I’m scared because I kind of love it, but it’s horrible. It’s so irresponsible. I don’t wanna like this movie but goddamn, I feel it.” Like, I wanted to go on the streets and rage. In a way we’re all the Joker, we’re all the Batman. That duality, that yin and yang, is inside everyone of us. It’s universal.

What is the film that slays you every time, leaving you in a heap of tears? This is a classic one, the opening sequence of Up. The first ten minutes of Up just destroy me every time. I also saw Soul a couple of days ago and I was with the whole family and I, just, if I wasn’t with the whole family I would have been ugly-sobbing. I had a real ache in my throat after the movie because I was trying to stop [myself] from sobbing.

Tell me your favorite coming-of-age film, the film that first gave you ‘teenage feelings’? Pump Up the Volume. Christian Slater! Off the back of Pump Up the Volume, I fancied myself as a prophet and wrote a theater piece called Lemmings. Obviously the main character was a person who could see through the façade, and everyone else was following norms. “No one understands me, I’m a prophet!” So clearly I have this shitty, Joker-style megalomaniac inside of me. It was the worst play, and I don’t know why my teachers agreed for us to do a staging of it!

Christian Slater and Samantha Mathis in ‘Pump Up the Volume’ (1990).

Is there a film that you and your family love to rewatch? We’ve tried to impose our taste on our children, but they’re too young. We showed them The Princess Bride—they didn’t get it. We literally showed our babies Star Wars in their cribs. That’s how obsessive Star Wars fans we were.

Name a director and/or writer that you deeply admire for their use of the artform. I have a slightly weird answer for this. Can I just give love to Every Frame a Painting by Tony Zhou and Taylor Ramos? They are my film school. I was thinking of my love of Edgar Wright, but then I thought of their video essay on Edgar Wright and how to film comedy, and his essay on Jackie Chan and the rhythm of action and then their essay on the Coen Brothers and Shot Reverse Shot. I must have watched that 30 times ahead of the TV show that I’m making now. I started out in editorial and Tony Zhou is an editor and he talks about when to make the cut: it’s an instinct, it’s a feeling, it’s a rhythm. I realized the one thing in common that I could mention about all the films I’ve loved is Every Frame a Painting. It’s their love of movies that comes bubbling out of every single essay that they made that I just wanna shout out at this part of my career.

Were there any crucial films that you turned to in your development for Shadow in the Cloud? Indiana Jones was something that Chloë brought up—she likes the spiffiness and the humor of Indiana Jones. Sarah Connor was our touchstone for the female character. For one-person-in-one-space type stories, I watched Locke quite a lot, to figure out how they shaped tension and story and [kept] us on the edge of our seats when it’s only one person in one space. In terms of superheroes, I came back to Aliens. Not Alien. Aliens. You know, there are two types of people in this world—people who prefer Alien over Aliens, and people who prefer Aliens over Alien. But actually I think I vacillate for different reasons.

Can there be a third type of person, who thinks they’re both great, but Alien³, just, no? Maybe that’s the best group to be in. We don’t need to fight about this, we can love both of them! I was having an argument with James Wan’s company about this, because there’s a rift inside the company of people who prefer Alien over Aliens.

Okay, program a triple feature with your film as one of the three. I don’t know. Ask Ant Timpson!

I’ll ask Ant Timpson. [We did, and he replied: “Well, one has to be the Twilight Zone episode with William Shatner: Nightmare at 20,000 Feet. And then either Life (2017) or Altitude (2010).”]

Thank you Ant! I used to go to his all-nighters as a university student. He is the king of programming things.

Jake Gyllenhaal in ‘Life’ (2017).

It’s strange that we never met at one of his events! Ant would make me dress up in strange outfits and do weird skits between films. (For those who don’t know, Timpson ran the Incredibly Strange Film Festival for many years—now part of the New Zealand International Film Festival—and still runs an annual 24-Hour Movie Marathon.) So what’s a film from those events that sticks in your head as the perfect genre experience with a crowd? It was a movie about a man protecting a woman who was the girlfriend of a mafia boss: A Bittersweet Life. Not only does it have one of the sexiest Korean actors, sorry, not to objectify, but also I actually screenshot a lot of that film for pitch documents. And, do you remember a crazy Japanese movie where someone’s sitting on the floor with a clear umbrella and a woman is lactating milk? Visitor Q by Takashi Miike. I remember just how fucking crazy that was.

Finally, what was the best film you saw in 2020? I haven’t seen Nomadland yet, so keep in mind that I haven’t seen all the films this year. I have three: The Invisible Man, which I thought was just amazing. I thought [writer-director] Leigh Whannell did such a great job. The Half of It by Alice Wu, a quiet movie that I simply just adored. And then the last movie I saw at the cinema was Promising Young Woman. The hype is real.

Related content

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Follow Gemma on Letterboxd

‘Shadow in the Cloud’ is available in select theaters and on video on demand now.

[slamsams-blog]

Die Another Day - #24WeeksofBond

24 Weeks of Bond hits the low point this week with Pierce Brosnan’s swan song as 007 in “Die Another Day”.  Oh man, there is just so much to say and unpack about this movie, it’s hard to put into summary every which way this film fails to deliver.  This film came at a cross-roads for film goers who still loved Bond, but were starting to grow a little tired of the hokey-ness and sleaze of James Bond and were wanting something a little rougher.  “The Bourne Identity” had come out just a few months prior to high praise for it’s hard hitting, intense, stripped-down style...it was fresh.  A few months later “Die Another Day” comes out with an older Pierce Brosnan, some god awful writing and cartoonish cinematography.  Change needed to happen, and this movie would mark the end of the sex puns, over the top gadgets, and far fetched scenarios.

Listen, I LOVE Bond.  I really have a hard time saying a Bond movie is bad...but this movie. is. bad.  This is a tale of two films. The first half is an action packed drama that is gritty, and dark and the second half is like watching a Joel Schumacher Batman film (the one where Batman has nipples).  The plot is also a rip off of “Diamonds Are Forever” and constantly goes for the cheap pop - bringing out all the old gadgets and familiar looking scenes for the 40th anniversary of Bond.  There is just so much trash talk to shell out here, but let’s start with the good stuff.

Die Another Day actually starts out quite promising and delivers a thrilling pre-title sequence with Bond infiltrating a North Korean Army base where he has stolen the clothing of a man trading African Conflict Diamonds for some weapons with a Colonel of the North Korean military and his stooge Zao.  Bond is eventually found out but manages to escape the firing squad to chase down Colonel Moon on a HOVERCRAFT!  Pretty neat.  Colonel Moon eventually runs out of road and takes a fall appearing to be slain, but Bond is caught again by Moon’s dad and for the next 14 months, Bond will be held prisoner and tortured.

I always liked how they utilized the title sequence to take us through Bond’s captivity (even though we are forced to listen to Madonna’s over produced and just flat out weird song...what’s the deal with the random “Sigmund Freud” lyric?).  Though the song is hard on the ear drums, it does a great job in providing an aura of despair and pain in the torture aspect of the title sequence...maybe because the song is torture?

We come back from Madonna, and Jesus Bond is now being traded for Zao who has diamonds permanently implanted in his face from Bond’s intrusion.  This makes Bond angry and makes him question why MI6 would give Zao up.  M is also pissed about it, it appears that there is someone who is playing MI6 for fools.  M is so mad that she essentially burns Bond and relieves him of his 00 status, but this doesn’t stop Bond from forcing himself into cardiac arrest to escape and find out who is behind all of this.

See?  Starts out great!  If only they can keep this momentum going...(spoiler alert: they can’t)

Another positive about this movie is a great fencing scene with Bond and Gustav Graves (Toby Stephans).  I've just always been tickled by how much this scene escalates from a little game of fencing to an all out sword fight.  It is one of the few highlights of the film, complete with a cameo made by Madonna...something I’m sure she negotiated to sign on for the Bond theme.  Get that payday, Madonna!

Well thats about all the positive I can muster for this film.  It’s time to take the gloves off.  Die Another Day’s wheels start to come loose when Bond is in Cuba looking for Zao...during this time, he meets Jinx (Halle Berry), and the dialogue that will unfold, sounds like the writer brought in his perverted nephew, who is just out of high school, looking to write a scene to get his friends to laugh when they watch it in his parents basement.  Halle Berry is the victim of poor writing, and possibly poor directing, yes, but she also tries WAY too hard to be a cool, witty, and deadly agent.  I’ll give Berry the benefit of the doubt to an extent, but I really think she just over acted here.

On top of that - Brosnan and Berry have absolutely ZERO chemistry.  Brosnan is no spring chicken anymore, so we are supposed to believe a woman like Halle Berry would welcome the advances from a bird watcher in his mid-50′s who says Mojito really weird?  Come on.  And the obvious dick jokes and creepiness from Bond who is foaming at the mouth, desperate for sex after being tortured for over a year makes this scene so uncomfortable to watch.

But we later come to find out that Jinx is more than just a reincarnation of Honey Ryder from Dr. No...she is also a secret agent that seems to never take anything seriously and in the face of death by laser, still has time for jokes.  We find out Zao is trying to do gene-therapy treatment to change his identity to someone else.  Much like Colonel Moon had done, turning himself into the man we will come to know as Gustav Graves.  The adrenaline filled, publicity junky, billionaire with an eye for diamonds.

Speaking of over acting, Toby Stephans puts out a good effort with the Gustav Graves character but he is just so over the top with his “evil” looks that there is no denying that he is indeed the villain.  Some of the best villains in cinema and television are villains that get you to like them.  They play to your emotions, let you in on their dark secrets, give you a smile and a laugh, maybe even make you connect with them in a twisted way...but Graves lets you know by his nostril flares and angry glares, that you couldn’t possibly like him if you tried.

Graves invites Bond to his party in Iceland, (isn’t Greenland the icy one?). This is when the movie goes off the rails completely, the second half of the film that looks like the props, sets, and lighting design were borrowed from the Power Rangers.  This ridiculous ice palace accompanied by the super ridiculous revelation of the “Icarus” - a satellite made out of diamonds (exactly like Diamonds are Forever) is just so off-putting. The Icarus shoots a beam as powerful as the sun and can also be used as a freakin sun beam death laser from the sky.  Yes, you heard that right.  At one point Bond is involved in a chase where he is being tailed by a sun beam death laser from the sky.  This leads to the most cringe worthy scene in all of Bond...Bond escapes by CGI surfing.

I’ve said before, one of the aspects of the Bond films that makes the series so successful is the heavy emphasis on real stunts.  REAL STUNTS.  Director Lee Tamahori thought it would be fun to amp up the CGI because he thought that CGI was the future of the Bond franchise, oh was he sorely mistaken. He also thought it would be a good idea to insert a bunch of slow motion shots throughout the movie, they were going for the ‘Matrix effect’ but it did not play well.  It’s choppy and pixilated and just ruins any momentum they managed to build up - it just ends up being annoying. 

If that wasn’t bad enough, Q Branch comes out to “Jump the Shark” by delivering an invisible car.  Really?  This is just another example of the theme of this film taking everything one step too far.  But maybe you could argue that that is what we needed in order to know what our threshold as a Bond audience is.  You could say that maybe Die Another Day was the most important film in the canon for that reason.  Maybe Die Another Day was the sacrificial lamb to fall on it’s own sword to prevent us from going in that direction again, maybe...this movie SAVED THE BOND FRANCHISE??

Eh, Now I’m just devil’s advocating myself.  This is thee worst Bond movie of all time and anyone who says differently has no idea what they are talking about, or are just trying to be ‘Ironic’, or whatever.  This film ends with Gustav Graves becoming an electrifying super-shredder villain whose design was probably stolen from the Mega-Man video games.  The final battle taking place on a plane that is crashing due to a window being knocked out and is also being destroyed by the Sun Beam death laser from the sky.  In other words...more CGI.

And to top it all off, we end on another uncomfortable scene with Bond and Jinx again, spitting out blatant toilet humor dialogue making us think that they are getting busy, but it turns out Bond is just putting diamonds in her belly button (which she really wants to leave in for some reason).  Traditionally, a Bond movie would end with some witty pun being the last bit of dialogue you would hear before credits, but this...I still can’t figure out how this left the writer’s table. 

Bond: “I'm still not quite sure how good you are.”

Jinx: “I’m sooo good...”

Bond: “Especially when you’re bad.”

huh??  It’s not even a pun, it just doesn’t make sense.

Honestly, you can tell Brosnan is thinking “who the hell wrote this shit?” while he is delivering that final line.  sigh.  The good news is that we can only go up from here!  This would be Brosnan’s final performance as James Bond, even though he publicly announced he was going to do another one.  Didn’t quite work out that way, the film studio eventually phased him out, leaving Brosnan at curbside.  Probably for the best, Brosnan was great for that time, but the pressure was on for change.  And change we would get - with Daniel Craig.

That’s all for me tonight, let me know why you hated this movie!

Reviews from Friends:

Tyler Dahlgren

See I like Toby’s Graves. That guy plays despicable well (Black Sails anyone?). It’s the redeeming part of the movie for me. That and the car. I love the Aston Martins, let’s stick to those.

Andrew Albertsen

I think the whole movie should’ve just been about Bond’s incarceration and torture and eventual escape.

My Mom

Sam you don’t mention Rosemund Pike in your review. I thought she made an outstanding ice queen. This had its moments and I do love Pierce Brosnan as Bond but this film was way too long and too much continuous action. A person tunes out.

Jake Benrud

The end of an era. All the gadgets and the over the top villains complete with "diamond face" and a genetically modified psychopath with daddy issues. I don't understand why he needed to drive his car in the ice palace in the first place. Also, that was an epic dive by Halle Berry.

24 Weeks of Bond will return next Monday with - 

Quantum of Solace

[anagentinwriting]

Subscribe - Part 4

Summary: (Modern AU) Peter was your college sweetheart until a certain event led to your break up. Seven years later another event brings you two back together, but this time a little girl is in the picture. Will listening to your podcasts be the reason you two get back together or be another reason to keep you apart?

Pairing: Peter Quill x Reader

Word Count: 2577

Warnings: Fluff, swearing

Subscribe Masterlist / Main Masterlist

AN: Don’t want this to get confusing, but the podcast is in italics and the flashback is indented and in italics. I am hoping the indention works on all platforms. Fingers crossed!

_____

Today was the day Peter was dreading; it was the first day he wasn’t going to see Meredith since he found out. Gamora had the day off and admitted she missed hanging out with the little girl. Peter agreed, realizing this would be the only way he would get work done. 

Between switching tasks, Peter decided to take a short break and listen to another episode of Everyday's a Monday. He laid on the couch in his and Bucky’s office slipping on his headphones and clicked on episode #12 of 129. He has been trying to listen to them when he had time, but he wanted to hang with Meredith as much as he could. He hasn’t heard anything about himself yet like Meredith mentioned, and he still couldn’t remember the nickname you gave him. You haven’t even talked yet, but Wanda has talked an awful lot about you. He closed his eyes as Wanda began the introductions.

"Hey, beautiful people, today's guest on the show is Dr. Helen Cho, our favorite OBGYN. And you won’t believe it, but YN agreed to join us at the end and tell us a bit about her adorable baby girl, Meredith. Que the intro.”

Dr. Cho spoke about the baby forming, c-sections, and menstrual cycles. Like how the sex of a baby can be better determined at twelve weeks after conception. During c-sections, mothers are awake. Menstrual cycles take a while to come back especially if the mother is breastfeeding. It was a lot of information about women’s bodies Peter never thought about. 

“I want to thank Dr. Helen Cho for coming in and speaking with us.  I hope our listeners enjoyed the conversation and learned a thing or two. Unfortunately, she had to rush off to deliver more beautiful babies into the world, and I hope she will stop by again. Anywho, it’s time for our next part of the podcast talking with my good friend and producer of this show, YN.”

“Thanks for blackmailing me to come on my own show.”

“Ignore her. I would never do such a thing,” Wanda tittered. “With us talking about pregnancy and birthing today, YN does have an interesting story of how she came into the world. Would you mind sharing?”

“Of course not, I mean it fits the topic of the week. My mom suffered from ovarian cysts, and most of the time they got so bad she needed surgery to remove them. My parents started debating if it was even worth to keep trying to get pregnant if my mother continued to suffer from this. Then a few days before surgery to remove them, the doctors were performing an ultrasound, and ‘tada’ found me. They delayed the surgery until after I was born. Then a year or two later, my family decided to adopt, and that’s when Gamora and Nebula came into my life. We might not be sisters by blood, but we did become a family.”

“You’re sisters are the best. Her sister, Nebula, travels the world as a photographer and always brings back the best gifts. Gamora is a badass lawyer who works at Coulson & Associates.  Then you’re the hotshot producer, and you’re doing it all while raising your 5-year-old daughter, Meredith. How do you handle being a single mother?”

“It can be hard, but I’m fortunate to have my parents and sisters willing to help me if I need it. I remember the first year being the hardest, especially the nights I was alone, but somehow I managed to pull through. At the time, I was living with my sisters because all the money I made went to paying for daycare. Most weekends my sisters helped, and forced me to get out, but I would only be gone for a few hours before I had to connect myself to the milk machine, again,” you chuckled. “I don't miss that at all. Around six months, things got easier because she got on a schedule.”

“Schedules are nice. I know with my twins, Me and Vis struggled, and to this day we still don’t know how we did it.”  

“Oh yes, I bet it was like a daze for the first few months.”

“You have no idea. Does the dad know about Meredith?”

“No,” you sighed. “I know it's wrong, but when I tried to tell him I was pregnant it never felt like a good time? The one time it felt right something came up, and I waited which lead to more waiting and more waiting until I never got the chance to tell him.”

“Does she know about her dad? Or ask about him?”

“Yes, I tell her everything she wants to know. I promised I wouldn't keep anything about her dad from her. She deserves to know him, and when I find the courage, I will tell him.”

“At least you’re not keeping her in the dark about him.  Some mothers don’t even share the details with their children because it’s too painful to talk about.” 

“It’s hard, but I’m not going to keep the side of her, that is her father, from her. If that makes sense? Anyways, I make sure to tell her the good stuff about him and keep it simple. Like when I first met him or our first date,” you chuckled. “At least I didn’t think it was a date to start with at least.”  

“Oh, I hear a story coming. Story…story…story,” Wanda chanted.

“Okay, I will share my first not a date date with…him......

There was a knock at your door, pulling you out of your dream. You leaned up, stretching your neck out, and realized you had fallen asleep on your computer. You rubbed your eyes as they adjusted to the soft glow coming from the desk lamp in your dark dorm room. Someone knocked on the door again as you stood up to answer it. When you pulled open the door, you squinted your eyes to try and shield them from the harsh hallway lights.  

“Wow! You look like you’ve seen better days,” he chuckled.

“Thanks, man,” you sighed, leaving the door open for him to enter.

“Oh my god, did a twister come through here? Why are their papers everywhere?” 

“I’m writing a paper, and it’s due in like 25 hours, and I haven't even started.”

He stared at your computer screen. “According to this, you have 537 pages. Is this for a music class?”

“What? Why would you ask that?” You shoved past him to see the screen.

“Because it says aaaaaaaaaaaallllllllll909. It's like you’re testing your vocal cords, but what's with the numbers?”

“Shut up---” you pushed on his chest “-- so I fell asleep.”

“Explains the keyboard marks on your face,” he snorted, making you roll your eyes. He scrolled up to the first page to see the title. “Insert fucking title. Wow, great title for your essay.”

“Shut up. I can't think of what to write about,” you confessed, running your hands down your face.

“I think you need a new perspective,” he said as you shot him an annoyed look. “Maria told me you've been locked in here since Friday. It’s not healthy, YN. She also told me she would like her bed back.”

“What are you---oh my god, I’m a terrible roommate! No wonder why she left last night and didn't stay. I can’t even see her bed.” You stared wide-eyed at Maria’s bed, running your hands through your hair.

“Hey, how about we clean this mess up, and I’ll get you out of here for a few hours.”

“But it's 11 pm.”

“On a Sunday! Come with me, I got a plan.”

He convinced you to leave your paper behind and drove you out of the city. You watched out the window as the city disappeared behind you. “Where are we going?” 

“We’ll be there in about ten minutes or so?”

You sat in silence, staring out into the darkness. He always came up with the best plans, so what could he have planned on such short notice? You knew he wasn’t going to give you any details, so you turned the radio to your favorite station to fill the silence. All of a sudden one of your favorite songs started playing, and you belted out the lyrics. He laughed at you before he started singing along, too. He turned onto a gravel road and into what looked like a parking lot. He turned off the car and told you to follow him. Turning on his flashlight, he led the way. 

“Dude, wait up, I can’t see shit without a flashlight.”

“Shit, sorry.” He grabbed your hand, and you felt a sensation you couldn’t explain. 

He led you up to a small hill to clearing right over a cliff. The sight before you took your breath away. You could see all the stars in the sky and hear the crickets chirping nearby. The moon reflected off the flowing river in the distance as the city lights were shining on the horizon. The slight breeze sent a shiver down your spine and goosebumps to your skin.

“It’s beautiful.”

“This place has always helped me clear my head. I don’t know if it’s the stars in the sky or the fresh air, but I thought it would help you, too.” He squeezed your hand. “And you can blow off steam here, too.”

“Care to demonstrate, Star-Lord.”

“Haha, you’re hilarious. Listen to this--” he let go of your hand and put them around his mouth and shouted “--PROFESSOR FURY OR FURRY, HOWEVER, YOU SAY IT, YOU’RE A REAL A-HOLE.” He smiled, turning back to you. “See now I feel better.”

“Do you really?”

“Yes. Give it a shot.”

You repeated his position and shouted. "WHAT THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO WRITE ABOUT FOR THIS FUCKING PAPER? THIS CLASS IS A FUCKING JOKE?” You put your hands back at your sides and chuckled. “I do feel better for some strange reason. Thanks, I needed this.”

“I know,” he winked, making you scoff. He reached for your hand as you continued to stare out at the view. His fingers intertwined with yours, sending a warm and tingling feeling coursing through your body. 

You glanced over at him, catching him staring at you. “Why are you staring at me?”

“Care to dance?”

“There’s no music,” you commented as he hit play on his Walkman around his waist; you never understood why he always carried it around with him wherever he went. Music started to play over his headphones. “Smart ass!”

He takes his free hand and places it on your waist, sending a spark shooting up your back. He pulls you closer to him as your breath quickens. He raises your conjoined hands in the air, forcing you to roll your eyes. He tilted his head at your arm dangling beside you before tilting it to his shoulder. You obliged and placed your hand on his shoulder. You shake your head at him, trying to hide the smile from appearing on your face. Both of you started to move to the slow quiet music playing through his headphones. When you glanced back up at him, he was gazing at you with this boyish smirk on his face. 

“Is this the trick you pull to get all the girls?” You asked with a shy smile on your face. 

“No, I don't usually need tricks. Most of the time, all I have to do is smile, and girls fall at my feet.”

You scoffed, slapping him on his chest. “They do not.”

“No, they don't,” He confirmed with a quick snicker. “You’re the first and only girl I brought to this place. I knew you were the only one who would appreciate it and see the beauty in it.”

“I do,” you grinned, staring at his chest, feeling the heat rush to your cheeks. 

“If you had the chance to do something you always wanted to do, but you would be risking everything. Would you take the chance, or would you not and regret for the rest of your life?”

Your head snapped up to him, and you could see something in his eyes you have never seen before. He stared at your lips as his eyes drifted back up to yours. He started to lean in but stopped short right before his lips could touch yours. 

“That's a risk I am willing to take,” you whispered, leaning in to kiss him. 

“Wow! Is it hot in here or is it just me? Woo! Damn, Star-lord sure knows how to plan a great date, or in this case, not a date date. How did you two meet?”

“Second semester of my sophomore year of college. I was sitting in class half paying attention and half not. I had one earbud in and was doodling all over my notes. I think it was an economics class with one of those monotone professors. You know the type, where you stare at the clock and wish time went by faster.”

“I hated those professors!”

“Anyways, I was listening to my music and doodling when someone nudged the back of my chair. I ignored it, and then all the sudden I felt a piece of paper slide down my shoulder. I opened it up and it said something like, ‘Enjoying the tunes. Why am I not listening to music instead of this boring professor?' I peeked over my shoulder, and I'm sure I had the look like ‘what the fuck’ on my face. Oh crap, I’ll have to bleep that out later,” you chuckled. “As I said, I turned around, and he smiled and nodded at me. I acknowledged him and went back to doing what I was doing. When class ended, I was walking, and he came up next to me and introduced himself.  He had this boyish smile that drew me in and made him look so carefree. It wasn’t even a full on grin, but it was a little sexy smirk thing he did that drove me crazy. Anyways, we ended up forming this great friendship, which morphed into something more."

“Awwww cute. How long did you two date?”

“A little over two years.”

“Star-Lord seems like the guy who knew how to romance a lady”

“Sometimes,” you breathed a chuckled. “Other times he failed miserably, but he’s a great guy.” 

“When was the last time you spoke to him, if I may ask?” Wanda questioned with curiosity in her voice.

“About 5 years ago,” you stated without hesitation.

“Wow, a dramatic yet romantic way to end this week’s episode. If you like this podcast, please rate, comment, and subscribe to us wherever you get your podcasts. Until next time, from all of us here at Everyday’s a Monday, have a great rest of your week.”

Peter zoned out as the episode ended and stared up at the ceiling. Star-Lord. Star-Lord, how did he forgot the nickname you gave him? That night was one of his favorite moments with you, and he even documented it was an out of focus photo taken on his flip phone. It was the same photo Meredith found in the shoebox under your bed; the one with you smiling and laughing at the camera as he gazed at you. It was one of his favorite not a date dates, and he hated to admit it, but that night he knew you were the girl he wanted to marry.

_____

AN: How about that? What did you think about Wanda being the host for Everyday’s a Monday? I think she's got potential, I mean it is only episode #12. You learned a few tidbits about the readers past, but there is still a lot left to uncover. What did you think about their first not a date date or about how they met?  Comments always encourage and as always thanks for reading!

[zaynliam]

Looking back on the interview with Liam Payne, who released the new song "Stack It Up" [Series of Himeko Imaizumi]

[Note: The article below was originally written in Japanese and was translated using Google Translate]

Published on September 29, 2019

The 28th edition of the series “ Throw Back to the Future ” by Yumeko Imaizumi, who is widely active in radio DJs and liner writing. This time, I wrote about Liam Payne , who released a new song “Stack It Up” in September 2019 for the first time in a year, with memories from past interviews (list of columns so far)

Liam Payne delivered a single for the first time in a year. The title is “Stack It Up feat. A Boogie wit da Hoodie”. Speaking of Liam, as a member of One Direction (hereinafter 1D), a super idol who swept the world pop scene! Jonas Brothers, which was very popular at the time, released the album “Lines Vines and Trying Times” in 2009, and after that, three people started shifting to solo and the pop scene was said to be absent from the idols. 1D was born from the audition program "X Factor Season 7". It's 2010.

In the United States alone, the total sales of singles and albums exceeded 25 million, and the performance of the concert in 2014 has been brilliantly ranked first among the biggest artists. Young people from the UK quickly became the world's top group and built a gorgeous pop scene.

I first met 1D when I was still doing a hall tour in the United States. After an interview before the show in San Francisco, I saw their stage still fresh. At that time, I couldn't imagine that it would be so explosive in popularity, but I thought that the staff had a strict patrol system. It may be due to changes in the times, but due to the spread of SNS etc., every photo is strictly checked, the off-photo of the member of the smile full of happily eating japanese sweets that I took as a souvenir, immediately came out. I'm sorry.

From the time of their debut, without much time, they stood on the stage of Madison Square Garden. When I experienced that stage, I first faced the reality that 1D was going to be amazing. Next to Madison Square Garden is a pop-up shop where their goods are sold, filled with girls and parents every day. The dolls of six members who got in the crowd. When Niall and Liam came to Japan, they had nostalgic hands in the interview.

Now, although the prelude has become long, 1D, which ceased activities in 2016, became solo and started activities that take advantage of their individuality.Liam released “Strip That Down” in 2017, but this was a hit with over 5 million copies and it was a good start.

After that, the single was constantly distributed, and in 2018, he became the first solo player to visit Japan for promotion. In that interview, I was able to hear Liam's attitude to music and honest opinions, so I will post everything on the site. 

(Cooperation: Fm yokohama “Radio HITS Radio” & Yuriko Banno)

Liam: (I got a doll from the 1D era) Wow, I miss it. My hair is gone now (laughs).(Laughs)

Imaizumi: It ’s time to visit Japan for the appearance of “POPSPRING 2018” (held at Makuhari Messe on March 24th). How was the stage?

Liam: Because of the late release of the album, we did cover songs on this stage.By doing the cover, I was able to feel the possibility that I would be good at this kind of song. When I sang a 1D song, the fans were so excited that some children were moved and crying. I was glad to be able to feel the passion of Japanese fans again this time, and I was glad that there was such an opportunity.

Imaizumi: The solo activities of 1D members have their own personality, but you know that Liam is also a commercial success?

Liam: That is certainly said. But what is the basis for success? Everybody is doing at their own pace, and with their own tastes, both Harry and Nile have toured, and Louis has produced good songs. It ’s not about competing in it. For me, I recognize that I am fighting in a bigger scene after leaving the group.Around there are Justin Bieber, Justin Timberlake and Drake. Because you are in it.

Imaizumi: What is Liam's solo style?

Liam: I'm still looking for it. The soon-to-be released album (First Time EP 2018) will be a playlist-like piece. Now listeners are listening that way. My work collaborates with various people, puts in various flavors, and any solo artist may be, but the debut work pursues what it is like. You have to figure out what you should send out. So far, I've been singing people's feelings in the group. I was able to learn it because I became a solo artist. I often found myself a little far away from a machine that moved like a group. So I was able to make various types of sounds.

Imaizumi: When I'm in a group, I hear that you want to do solo music because you want to do music that is different from the group, but in the case of Liam, you mean you left the group and found it?

Liam: That's right. The reason why 1D was successful was because we believed in the music we were doing. Of course, I had my favorite style, and I think that contributed to my taste. I also wrote a song. But after leaving the group, when I thought again, "What can I do?", I wasn't dancing in the group, but I didn't like to dance. You can meet such a discovery. The first single has the phrase “I'm free now” in the first lyrics, but that freedom means I want to experience and try things. I want to find out what I am. It's hard, but now I'm learning from it.

Imaizumi: You jumped into the ZEDD concert, but you seem to have enjoyed Japan for the first time in a while.

Liam: Up until now, it was hard for hundreds of fans to get out of the hotel. I come in when I enter the store. But now I don't care about anyone, I can go outside, and in that sense I can enjoy the freedom away from the group.

Although it was a short interview, he spoke a lot and told us about his thoughts. In 1D, he was a simple youth, but in just 5 or 6 years, Liam has grown into a responsible person. I didn't think I would talk about the 1D era, the difference between solo and 1D. After this interview, it was not a full album, but released “First Time” as an EP. A year later, you finally released the single “Stack It Up”, is he still searching for himself in music? You can listen to “Stack it Up” once and you can see that there is an old friend Ed Sheeran in this production. The collaboration with Ed can be said that Liam's lyric worldview was born out and a new style was born. The end point of your search may have come to light.

Written By Himeko Imaizumi

[littlehastingsliar]

Wendigo

Request:

Hi sunshine! Okay I love your work really, especially the Teen Wolf Imagines (tbh I've watched the whole last season in a day) would you be interested in writing a Theo x Reader, where Theo discovers that his gf is a wendigo? Like she's a total badass, and they love each other, but one day he finds her eating a still bleeding heart, with blood everywhere? White eyes, sharp teeth, whole package, even antlers if she has been hungry for a while (and she had disappeared for days) Thank you, ily!

A/N: if you’re still reading teen wolf imagines then I’ve finally got round to doing this request! I’ve taken a couple of years out of writing and have come to realise It’s what I enjoy J feel free to request anything, even if it takes me a while all your prompts are greatly appreciated!

p.s I had to do some research on wendigo’s so some stuff might not conform to the way teen wolf did it, and I changed it so that Theo has an interest in you, not that you’re already dating xx

Warning: gore, violence, lil smut

Words: 1349

  The folklore surrounding wendigo’s gave you trouble wherever you went. Not everyone had heard of the Native American myth but the symptoms of being a wendigo certainly produced problems, forcing you to deal with hounding police and the mobs that seem to form, on a hunt to find a killer- you. Of course you weren’t killing by choice, you needed to. The desire for human flesh ran through your veins, worsening with every pump of your own beating heart. If you didn’t find a meal, something much worse would happen, and you figured one death was better than ten.

Moving around landed you in beacon hills and eventually the McCall pack. They were shocked to find that you were a wendigo but you brushed their initial concerns off, after all, wendigo’s are much stronger than werewolves.

In the end you warmed to them. You wouldn’t call them friends but they helped you, getting bodies from the morgue for you to feast on. But it wasn’t fresh.

“you seem anxious” Theo, a member of the McCall pack stared at you as you tucked into the slab of meat he’d delivered. You took a bite using a fork. The meat wasn’t bad but it had a slight sourness to it. You winced slightly at the growling in your stomach that wouldn’t calm.

“I’m just hungry” you replied, waving off any insinuation that you were less than ok. Accepting your response Theo took a seat opposite you, intrigued at the way your teeth pulled apart the raw flesh.

“I read up on wendigo’s, you have to eat human flesh to become one, so the lore says” he was digging into your past, something you had never talked about with any of the pack, after all, it wasn’t their business.

“I didn’t just eat someone if that’s what you’re thinking” you replied with a slight laugh, unsure whether to tell the wolf. He tilted his head at your comment, trying to decipher whether you were telling the truth or not. “I was born this way. My family lived up in the north, in the cold mountains. That’s where wendigo’s normally reside. We aren’t pack creatures so it was just me, my parents and my 3 brothers. I didn’t like the way my father hunted so I left.” Theo opened his mouth to ask more questions but you’d said enough, you didn’t need people to know your past, that’s not how you worked. To silence him you stood up, excusing yourself to go wash your hands in the bathroom.

The cool water felt hot against your skin as you stood watching the way your hands seemed to glisten underneath. At first dead bodies were enough, but after weeks of eating it, the craving inside was no longer being satisfied. You glanced up in the mirror, your eyes looking hollower than before. The symptoms had been getting gradually worse, you knew you needed to hunt.

Hunting was always tricky, you tried to choose people who wouldn’t be missed and people who had done something wrong, so you could tell yourself you were serving some type of justice. The first night you hunted you came close, stalking your prey round the city streets for a few miles, but they met up with a friend. Rule number 1: only hunt lone prey that was something your father had taught you.

The second night you decided to take a different approach, you headed to a more seedy area of town, an area where people only really go to gamble, take drugs and hire women for the night. A perfect place to find someone who’s done something wrong or won’t be searched for. Immediately you spotted someone selling drugs, not even hiding what they were doing. You knew there was probably more to his story but it didn’t matter. He was the one.

Your dark clothes allowed you to stalk in the shadows unseen as he made his way to his next sale. The night vision that came with your curse let you to follow him with ease. Luckily this sale was in a dark alleyway. “Perfect” you thought, a smirk forming on your lips as you felt your skin tighten around your bones at the thought of the kill. You watched as his customer approached and left. Your claws shot out of your hands as you pounced, ripping open his throat in one swing so he couldn’t scream. It was messy but effective as he collapsed to the ground, eyes wide and meeting yours which were glowing a haunting white back at him, the last thing he’d ever see.

Wasting no time, you took his top and coat off, giving you better access to what you wanted. Clawing a line down the centre of his chest caused blood to ooze out, a sign of a fresh kill, not the old, stale meat you’d been having from the morgue.

You leant down, sinking your teeth into the flesh, not being able to resist. Next you reached your hand deep into his torso, the other holding open the incision you had made. You’d created the perfect meal, the still beating heart smelling so sweet.

You ate it slowly, leaning over the dead body, blood dripping down your chin. It was at that moment you saw a figure ahead of you. You’d been too engrossed in the kill, the world around you had ceased to exist.

“I knew something wasn’t right” instead of a panicked response or a scream like you were expecting, a sly comment was made by a voice you recognised well. Theo stepped out of the shadows, eyes yellow to match your white ones. You decided to carry on with your meal, the pack had told you enough about Theo’s past to know if he judged you, you could fire right back at him. Instead of a snide remark he crouched in front of you, again fascinated by the way you ate. You finished the heart, and as you did, stood up over your slaughter. Proud.

“You following me now Raeken?” you weren’t sorry, you weren’t ashamed. You needed to feed, you had no control of it. He sniggered, stepping over the body so he was looking directly down at you. Without saying anything he pushed you against the wall, his lips meeting yours. It might’ve been the power you showed or the way you didn’t care what anyone thought. You were shocked but kissed him back. He kissed down your neck, teeth sinking in as he drew your blood this time, mocking you almost. It drove you crazy. Your hands had already gone under his shirt, feeling his chest with your blood soaked hands. He wasted no time, the wolf clearly more in control than the human when he spun you round so your chest was against the wall. His chest was pressed against your back, allowing you to feel his quickly beating heart against you.

He slipped a hand into your jeans, triggering a moan to escape your lips. This isn’t how you’d imagined the night would go but with a full stomach, and full strength you weren’t going to let him play with you. You were going to be in control.

You switched the positions, but instead of the wall you threw him on the floor, right next to the dead body. Fear flickered across his face as he wondered if he was going to end up the same way. You licked the blood off his upper body, trailing down to his belt which you undid slowly, enjoying a slow torture rather than a quick kill.

The body and smell of decay no longer bothered Theo, the feeling of your tongue on his skin overwhelmed his senses. You continued to trail down, until you reached where he wanted you to go. But you stopped, leaning up so you were face to face. You could see the lust on his features, silently begging you to continue.

“I don’t appreciate being tracked” you smiled sweetly, giving him one more bloody kiss before racing off into the darkness.

[centralparkpawsblog]

Acana vs Orijen

https://www.centralparkpaws.net/wp-content/uploads/2019/06/417WUUX2vAL.jpg As someone who feels that dogs are the best part of life, I’m surrounded by other dog fanatics.

We all talk about our pups, dress them up, and compare parenting stories to learn from each other.

Over the years, I’ve heard plenty about different dog food brands. They all come with their own pros and cons, but two companies that often get brought up are Acana and Orijen.

I always want to learn more about how I can help my dog and even my friend’s dogs, so I’ve done a little research into what these two companies have to offer that their competitors don’t.

Here’s what I found.

This isn’t the first time we’ve put Orijen up against another dog food. How did they compare with Taste of the Wild?

Acana’s Company History

Acana was started by the Weber family in the Czech Republic in the early 1990s.

They wanted to create a food that matched a dog’s evolutionary needs, specifically when it came to their protein.

As they grew, they developed a passion for finding ingredients that were sustainably grown or caught, and delivered by people they knew.

Everything had to be either fresh or raw.

Their focus on biologically accurate nutritional needs makes these their top selling products:

Acana Duck and Pear Singles Formula

Acana Lamb and Okanagan Apple Singles Limited Ingredient Diet Formula

Acana Free-Run Poultry Heritage Formula

In 2018, they won the Pet Business Industry Recognition award for their high quality production and products.

Orijen’s Company History

Orijen was owned and started by the same people who started Acana.

They operate under the Canadian brand Champion Pet Foods, which means that Orijen’s history is nearly identical to that of Acana.

They also focus on nutrients that meet a dog’s biological needs. The only difference is that they have a higher quantity of foods that feature more fresh meat and fish.

Their best selling products are:

Orijen Chicken Based Senior Dog Food (Our review)

Orijen Biologically Appropriate Adult Dog Food

Orijen Grain-Free Puppy Food

In 2017, Orijen won the Eco Excellence Awards for their sustainable dog food ingredients and products.

Concerning Recalls

While many customers are happy with the products they buy, consumers in Florida, Minnesota, and California sued the parent company Champion Pet Food in early 2018.

They alleged that the company had violated “feed law” along with various other charges.

Specifically, the lawsuit claimed that food from Acana and Orijen had levels of cadmium, arsenic, lead, and mercury that are known to cause harm to dogs. They also claimed that there were high levels of BPA in the food.

In February 2019, a judge ultimately dismissed the case, stating that there was a lack of evidence that there were harmful metals in the dog food.

While the consumers involved in the lawsuit argued against this ruling, the judge decided the level of metals did not exceed the limitations laid out by the Mineral Tolerance of Animals study conducted by the National Research Council in 2005.

What’s Important When Choosing a Dog Food?

The most important things you can do when choosing which food to feed your dog is to give yourself time to research the food and then watch how your dog reacts to it.

Here are a few key pieces of information you can study when reading about potential dog food brands.

Ingredients

Photo by Tambako the Jaguar (CC BY-ND 2.0)

What ingredients are important for your dog to have?

That will differ depending on their breed. Goldendoodles and German Shepherds will have different dietary requirements.

Bigger breeds with thick coats will need fish oil to maintain their coat, along with their skin and joint health.

You should also make sure the ingredients that are listed first are real. If the first listed ingredient is a filler or meat substitute, then it was made to be cheap and easily produced.

Look for brands that list meats like chicken, beef, or fish first and follow up with vegetables or nutrients like fish oils.

You can also get your dog allergy tested at the vet to avoid any ingredients that may trigger those allergies.

Some common allergy triggers are beef, wheat, dairy, and even soy. An allergy test will be worth it in the long run, since your dog won’t have to figure out their allergies on their own.

Price

Initially, you may feel like the price of your dog food can take a back seat.

After all, it’s more important that your dog eats the best food they can get.

Remember that you’ll be buying dog food often, especially if your dog is a puppy or a larger breed.

Will you be able to pay the price with your monthly budget? You’ll need something sustainable for your long-term financial goals.

Availability

How do you plan to get your dog food?

If you live in a large city, you might not mind driving a few streets down to pick up the food after work, but not everyone can do that.

See which brands are available at your local stores or even for delivery.

Having the option to pick up the food or get it delivered will be a game changer. Life is unpredictable and you never know when your schedule might change.

Taste

Read reviews and pay attention to how owners describe their dog’s reaction to the food.

It may have all the needed ingredients, but that doesn’t mean it’ll taste good.

Ultimately, you’ll only know what your dog likes if they try the food, but gauging how other dogs have reacted through reviews and comments will help you narrow down your options.

Comparison of Acana vs Orijen

Since Acana and Orijen have the same parent company and similar foods, how can you choose?

Here are how the key comparison features size up against each other.

Ingredients

  Winner: Orijen   

Beyond their mission to make biologically appropriate food, Acana has five rules for their products:

They must be protein rich and focused on meat.

The meat has to be extremely fresh.

There must be a large variety of meat for consumers to choose from.

There has to be a balance of meat, bone, organs, and cartilage that mirror what a dog would eat in the wild.

All fruit and vegetables must be fresh, too.

Acana doesn’t believe in using foods like potato, rice, and tapioca, since dogs wouldn’t normally be able to access these foods on their own in nature.

Orijen is made in the same way, with one key difference:

The formulas for Orijen products contain 85 to 90 percent meat and fish, while Acana only has 50 to 75 percent meat and fish ingredients.

Dog owners looking for more of a meat-based formula should browse Orijen products over Acana’s.

Because Orijen has more meat based protein in its products, I would prefer this brand over Acana.

While they’re both made with sustainably sourced and fresh ingredients, featuring more meat makes Orijen’s products more true to their motto of a naturally found diet in the wild.

However, the highest protein content may not be suitable for overweight dogs which need to lose weight.

Price/Value

  Winner: Acana   

Once again, the similar ingredients in these two brands make the prices and value similar across their products.

Consumers have noted though that Orijen typically costs more than Acana, because of its more costly meat ingredients.

If you’re looking for a brand that’s budget friendly, Acana will be the one you want to look at.

Prices will fluctuate across stores and websites, but because it will typically cost less than Orijen’s products.

Availability

  Winner: Orijen   

These two brands are sold at chain pet stores like Petco and specialty locations like groomers, training, or veterinary offices.

Both websites have location maps where you can enter your address and find the nearest store that sells the brand you’d prefer.

They’re also available to order online, which makes it hard to pick a winner.

This one will have to be left up to personal choice. See which brand is more available near you or through a website you prefer.

Our favorite pet-food website is Chewy.com. You can find Orijen there but not Acana, so the edge goes to Orijen.

Taste

  Winner: Orijen   

The taste for either of these brands will differ depending on your dog.

More people say their dogs love the taste of Orijen.

There must be something about having a higher meat content that changes the flavor into something dogs can recognize and enjoy.

Giving Orijen a try first may seem like the best way to go when it comes to taste.

Look through the types of food they have and see if any match ingredients that your dog is most used to, like chicken or beef.

X Factor

  Winner: Both   

What every dog owner should stop to think about is what the company is doing that may be the next brand of dog food they trust.

Champion Pet Foods is winning awards left and right, so they’re clearly onto something good.

Along with being voted Best Brand by the national American Choice Awards, they’ve won 18 other awards.

All of these major wins celebrate their formulas, innovation, and diligent staff. Because Champion Pet Foods produces both Acana and Orijen, this X factor works in favor for both brands.

Overall

  Winner: Orijen   

Orijen scores higher in both taste and ingredients, so you should check out that winning brand first to see what they have to offer.

While it is the more expensive brand of the two, it’s priced higher for a reason—it has a higher quality.

Conclusion

Personally, I’m going to keep Orijen in the back of my mind the next time Maggie needs a change in food. I trust their stellar reputation and their mission statement.

If it gets too pricey, I’ll just get a comparable Acana product when my budget gets tight.

The post Acana vs Orijen appeared first on Central Park Paws.

from https://www.centralparkpaws.net/dog-food/acana-vs-orijen/

[proto-homo]

Okay I just reread the first chapter of my manuscript and I’m gagged. I don’t remember this story being this good!! I’m definitely rewriting this. Please join me in being stunned

The Slayers

First Inscription

The first thing they taught us at the Bard's college was that the strings of fate connect everyone in one way or another. Slowly turning and tightening on the lute of life, tuning until the right note is produced, the right event takes place. Tuning eternally until all the strings produce a glorious harmony. I thought it was a crock of shit. Though to be fair, one semester wasn't enough to indoctrinate me to their proposed way of life. Especially when my reasons for being there weren't my own. "Become a bard," my parents pleaded. "Please do something with your life." Their words were harsh but they had to be for high elf prodigal wizards with a son who could make a pint of ale disappear quicker than he could a copper coin. I wasn't a complete magical failure, I just had no knack for it like my parents. They had clawed their way up the hierarchical elven ladder in a world that shunned our kind. We were dusk elves, not quite dark enough to be dark elves and nowhere near fair enough to be the prototypical waifish elf. Opportunities were far and few between for our skinfolk but my parents were changing that perception one draconian ritual at a time. I wasn't so lucky and I could tell growing up that they felt the same. So I followed their wishes and attended the college, learning to focus what little ability and skill I had. Unfortunately that one semester came and went in a deluge of offensiveness. Those backwater mages acted as if they'd never met a dusk elf and I developed an eternal scowl. My skin was an autumnal ��symphony of crushed leaves and my eyes were browner than the deepest of earth's hues. We were creatures of nature and magic. Why wouldn't I look this glorious? My question went unanswered and my need for the school went with it. I was out promptly that solstice break, but not without my books and several stolen silver pieces from the campus vault, using the skills they taught me. Needless to say, I was banned and designated  the Rogue Bard. My parents weren't delighted by the news. We don't talk much these days but things are better. Mostly because of the exploits tied to my name. I've played for Kings and Queens all across and below Alstaff, fought bravely against deadly scourges, drank Orcs under the table, and romanced men and women(and Kings and Queens on occasion). All this while chronicling my adventures and deftly avoiding those pesky strings of fate. Or so I'd thought until I received a most auspicious invitation. It was early and I was far from awake when I heard my name being shouted through the halls in a manner I wasn't used to.

“Eonis Everfall of the Highdale Archmages!” boomed the voice down the hall, rousing me from a drunken slumber.

Thin sheets clung to my sticky exposed chest as the sunlight streaming through my window wreaked havoc on my senses. It was summer in the city of Faeron and the sun hung high at an angle above the town that made for astounding harvests and horrible hangovers.

The voice shouted again and I was swiftly reminded that a night of debauchery wasn’t the best thing to do every night. I slid out of bed as coordinated as I could muster. My head swum in dreaming mist as I made my way to the door, only to stop when a realization dawned on me. Nobody knew my full name, hell most people didn’t know my first name, but to call me so boldly and mention Highdale was a sure sign that trouble was brewing.

I staggered to my pack and drew a dirk, trying my best to not be as uncoordinated as the ale was making me. I was never that great at bladed combat but as I inched the door and opened it a crack, I reminded myself that as a bard I was always supposed to be just good enough.

“In here,” I shouted in a half assured tone. Anxiety bubbled in my stomach until the blankets behind me stirred.

“Eonis,” groaned the pile of sheets, “If there’s someone here to kill you tell them to come back later. I’m trying to sleep.” Tavaris emerged from the sheets like a wraith hunting for souls, delivering a glare that nearly made me forget he was naked. His ebony skin shimmered in the light as he stretched, giving off an inhuman glow intensified by his crimson boring into me. He had a predatory gaze, no doubt honed from his decades in the Assassin’s guild but whenever he stared at me, there was a softness behind it.

“You’re the only one who knows I’m here and I doubt you’d let somebody else take up a hit on me. You like a good challenge.”

He snorted as he looked me up and down, saying, “Your stance is terrible. You’d be flayed alive in seconds.”

His eyes darted to the ground and my focus followed to an envelope shooting from under the door. I turned to open it only to be greeted by an empty hall and my unease increased.

“Calm down, it’s just mail,” groaned Tavaris before slumping back into bed. I closed the door and picked up the letter, tearing it open with my dirk.

He was right. It was just mail. Stamped with a royal seal, the letter disclosed information about a formal event taking place in Balethorn, just two cities away. It was to be a splendid debutante's ball and the young miss had requested the presence of the fabled ‘rogue bard.’

I sighed in slight relief. Requests like this were routine but the fact still stood that they knew my name. I sat on the edge of the bed and read the letter to Tavaris as he wrapped his arms around my waist and nuzzled his face into my side.

“Sounds kinda like a trap,” he said, gnawing at my exposed skin. “Your music’s not that great anyway.”

I nodded along before he said his last line, falling back on him in retribution. He was right though, he had to be in his line of work. Traps, tricks, and treachery were all in the assassin’s handbook and if not for my dashing good looks, I’m sure I would’ve fallen to his blade when we met.

A simple quest made our paths cross; recover the children from the Sin Eater demon and find the one who summoned it. It was all fine and dandy till Tavaris dropped out of the sky on me and strung a garrote around my neck, letting me know there was far more going on than I thought. That day I learned that not everybody wanted to be saved. Some people enjoyed feeding sheep to the wolves to keep them at bay.

It wasn’t all bad though. I at least picked up a few new skills and a new murderous lover.

I looked back to Tavaris and shrugged. “I’ll do it. I haven’t been sucked into a primordial evil soup in months. Could be fun. I’ll let you know when I get back.”

I hopped off of him and began to gather my things before he said, “I won’t be here when you get back.”

I rolled my eyes. It was the same message he repeated every time before he vanished. Sure enough, before I got a second to say anything, he was gone. If there was anything of his I coveted, it was his mode of travel. I shook my head and began to gather my things, bemoaning the burden of the bard.

Lute, flute, sword, bow and arrows, lockpicks, small shield, chainmail, magic totem, magic tome, magic wand, and dirks. I ran through the list of my supplies as I suited up and gave my room the thrice-over before leaving. I carried the letter in hand as I strolled out of the inn. I read it again for good measure.

The insignia was nothing I’d seen before and that was saying something. I was a walking compendium of knowledge, a seeker of truth and historical lore, but as I brushed a finger over the wax stamp closing the envelope, I felt out of my element. I could see the strings of fate winding slowly but this was a new note being played. My only choice was to finish the song.

Faeron was unbearable when I stepped foot out into the sun. Quick cooling incantations were my only solace in the face of summer’s embrace. Out in the world, people were hustling and bustling around the town. Harvest was fast approaching and with it came the panic of superstition and the festival fervor.

There was a tale that traveled through agricultural circles around this time of year, the tale of Lady Amoundour. A lowly farm maiden with the blackest of thumbs prayed to the heavens for a healthy harvest. Her prayers were answered by the Sun with a hefty bounty but the Earth grew spiteful that she didn’t pray more to the dirt and so by way of winding roads, it sent bandits to raid her farmland. Luckily, she held fast in her beliefs of equal reverence and the Sun aided her, bringing its fiery rays upon the bandits and scorching them to dust.

The farmers took it as a parable about having equal deference to the components needed for a healthy harvest. I took it as a sign that the gods were petty and enjoyed us dancing for approval.

Regardless of my beliefs, Faeron was far into the festivities. Wood-carved Sun plaques hung from every home and business. Fresh dirt was tracked all across the ground of the city, ruining my new boots. Bakers yelled for people to come sample their Sun cakes and Dirt puddings, bringing a deluge of child patrons and sending a twinge of disgusted intrigue up my spine. Knowing these people, there was definitely dirt in those puddings.

I snatched up a Sun cake, tossing a few copper pieces to the vendor before making my way through the shops to the square. While my romp with Tavaris had been a great reason to stop in Faeron, I had a real reason for being there.

A huge crowd filled the square, cheering at a man dressed in robes of spun gold standing high up on a stage. He wore a bronze crown painted gold and revelled in the crowd's cheering before urging them to be silent.

“Welcome to the Amoundour Festival!” he shouted and the crowd’s cheering picked back up. I crept through the droves of people lining the square.

Every year the festival was held all across the world but Faeron was special. Only here, they held a very real reenactment of Lady Amoundour’s struggles, much to the dismay of the local farmers. For decades, one farmer would be chosen at random to act as the Lady of this year, devising ways to rescue their crops from very real threats. For decades, they would endure this trial or watch their crops be decimated and their land destroyed thanks to a magical artifact these fools should never have possessed.

I watched in silence, arms folded as the faux-Sun made his way across the stage to his throne and took a seat, gesturing for his servants. Dressed in drab, gray robes resembling clouds, a pair of sullen kids carried a gilded case containing the artifact in question.

It was called the Eternal Sun Rod in certain circles of collectors, a powerful gift from the gods on high. With it, the ruler of Faeron held a tight grip over farmland production, instilling fear into the hearts of any who would try to amass enough wealth to escape his rule. Every decade, he would wipe away the status of one family and every decade the people would cheer because it wasn’t them that time. This would be the last time.

I looked around at the painted on smiles and forced laughter as the faux-Sun did his dance up on stage. Sprinkled in the crowd were the broken faces of the farmers who banded together to hire me. Their offering had been a pittance but I wasn’t in this for the money. I was there to cut the strings of fate wound tightly around this town’s neck.

“The time has come, everyone!” decreed the tyrant as one his clouds dropped to one knee and presented him with a gilded box.

The crowd fell deathly silent when he reached into the box and began to rummage through it for the latest target. All I needed was a name. A name and I could start to put an end to this. I watched the people and saw the pain etched into their faces. Tyrants like this weren’t born in a day, not even a year.

They told me their festival used to be one of peace and joy, that at one point their lives were normal, but slowly it all unraveled until this was their way of life. I knew struggle, I lived it, and there was no way I’d let this happen to anyone else.

I felt the tension skyrocket as he withdrew his hand from the box and I began creeping back out of the crowd.

“Gilda Gletch!” He shouted, “Age sixty-two, childless widow. Oh this will be a quick one. Gilda, pray to the Sun for mercy and beg the Earth for forgiveness!”

Gasps rang out from the crowd. I raced to the edge of the town and hummed a bardic tune to myself. Song of Swiftness, spell number thirty-two in the overpriced pamphlet they gave me. With it, I was off, racing through the trees at breakneck speeds.

I could hear my father’s voice in my head. He’d told me to do something with my life and since that day I resolved to do everything I could.

I broke through the trees and out onto Gilda’s small corner of a farmstead. She was across the small field, sitting on the porch of her home in defiance.

“So it was me,” she called out as I approached her and delivered a strained smile. She nodded in return and waved me over. “It’s fine. Don’t be dismayed. I’ve lived through six of these festivals, seen them grow into something vile. I’m just happy it will all end today.”

Her tone was far from joy in the face of this impending raid and I could tell she had little trust in my ability. I didn’t blame her. We bards were seen as performers, consultants, skilled workers. Warriors were far from our image but that never stopped me.

I drew my sword and knelt at her feet, saying, “You’re right. It will end today. I’ll make sure of that.”

She looked into my eyes and for a split second I saw hope until fear snatched it away. I turned sharply to a band of six masked men emerging from the trees.

“What the hell is this?” asked one of them as he threw down a hololense crystal to project our images back to the town square.

They drew their weapons slowly, whirling them for effect. I stood and raised my sword, drew a wand from my belt and said, “Retribution, damnation, I honestly don’t care what you call me.”

They crept closer to me, closing the distance between us and I said, “Gilda...you might want to get in the house for this.”

A swordsman on my left charged as those words left my lips. I met his blade with my own, parrying the blow and leaping back before daggers sailed through the air. I traced their path to the slow moving Gilda and made a sharp dash to my right, blocking the daggers with my sword.

One by one they came at me, slashing as I leapt out of the way and blocked their strikes.

“Fancy dancer, are you gonna fight back?!” shouted one of the men as he swung his greatsword in an arc.

I ducked below his blade and raised my wand to his stomach, chanting, “Retch.”

He froze instantly, dropped his blade and grabbed hold of himself. He doubled over and emptied the contents of his stomach.

“Never fancied myself for much of a dancer. Playing music was much more my thing!”

I whistled and tapped my sword. Like a tuning fork, it vibrated, sending sonic waves cross the field. The men dropped their weapons and clutched their ears as I drew daggers from my belt and launched a shower of blades.

I sheathed my weapons as they cried out in pain and drew my magic tome, chanting, “Sleep.”

The words drifted through the air, heavy with arcane intent and the men collapsed. I let out a quick sigh and wiped my hands clean. I walked over to each bandit and drew my blades from their sleeping bodies, making eye contact with the hololense crystal.

I held my breath, waiting for the searing light of the sun to crash down on me. When nothing happened I could tell the sight of me dispatching these goons left at least one person in shock.

“I take it by the lack of death rays you’re still stunned at my assault. No matter, I’ll be making it back to the city in just moments for a face to face. Ah, and don’t worry about your little sun trick. This arcane barrier I’m erecting will block out the sun.”

I smirked and raised my tome, chanting once again. My blood was ice water and my breath frost as the tome began to float before me. Waves of ice emanated from me, encircling the little farmland in their icy grasp. I looked up to the sky as I began to run back to Faeron and had to stifle a laugh when nothing attacked my barrier. I’d bluffed to high heavens and he believed me. That barrier of hoarfrost wouldn’t even survive a warm dinner roll bumping against it.

The streets were deserted the second I stepped foot into the city. The tension was thick in the air but I held fast to my defiant image. These people had been pawns in the hands of a mad man for too long. They needed a rallying point.

“Little early to be ending the party!” I shouted as I approached the town square. “If I remember the tale right, the Sun and Earth have a special bond, right? Well maybe it’s time you two got more acquainted.”

The faux-sun sat atop his throne, looking down at me as he lazily turned the rod in his hand. His expression read unimpressed but I was well versed in reading people. My little stunt on the farm had shook him. He had sent his men as bandits to raid a defenseless old woman and met the swiftest resistance. Now he was alone.

“You know nothing of the tale, boy,” he said with a sigh, rolling his eyes in a dismissive manner, “But you will learn the Sun’s power today!”

He slammed the staff on the ground and I chanted a Swift Song before the blazing beam burned through cobblestone. Beams of light followed my every step as I ducked and dodged the blazing energy, much to his frustration.

“Why won’t you stay still?!” he shouted as he jumped up from his throne.

I drew my wand and totem, raising the little symbol to my mouth and chanting, “Solaris”

He slammed the staff again and I froze, letting him hit me head on. The totem chimed when the light hit me, exploding and reflecting a portion of the light back onto the stage. Chainmail singed my flesh but I bit my lip through the pain and focused as the faux-Sun staggered back.

“Larghissimo,” I chanted as I raised my wand and the explosion on stage slowed to a halt.

The faux-Sun froze with a look of horror on his face. I approached, tapped my wand on his nose, and whispered, “Allegro.”

Instantly his head returned to normal speed and his anger came with it. He thrashed in the slowed mass of light, grumbling as he shouted, “Release me at once! I will have your head for this!”

I ignored his blustering and took a seat on his throne before asking, “What’s wrong? You’re supposed to be the sun, no? I’m just helping complete the effect.”

I watched him float their helplessly and thought of the Bard college’s teachings. Our spells were to help, not hinder. Our voices were to be a guide in time of need. Even the spells I’d used on the faux-Sun were non-combative. I couldn’t have hurt him if I wanted and boy did I want to. I let him float in stasis for a few seconds until his anger melted into existential panic.

“I could leave you floating here forever, a ball of light untouched by time,” I whispered into his ear, telling blatant lies.

Most people never studied our power or our limits and the dread in his face showed he was one of these people.

“P-please,” he cried out, sweat pouring from his face. “I-I’ll stop it, I swear. I’ll stop it. I’ll never attack another person again.”

He pleaded before I tapped my wand on the throne. He dropped out of the air as the light dissipated and I grabbed the Eternal Sun Rob, saying, “Not without this, you won’t.”

I waved my wand over the length of the staff, whispering ‘shrink’ into the ether until the Sun Rod complied. It shrank to the size of a quill before I slipped it in my pocket and stomped on the stage.

“People of Faeron, throw open your doors and enjoy your harvest. Now your festival can really begin!”

I shouted and slowly the people took notice. Windows slid open and doors with them before cheering rang out. Finally, their town had been set free. I was greeted with gracious hosts and deep vendor discounts but I couldn’t stay long. Not with the party on my heels.

I refilled my supplies, rented a horse, and I was off. Travel between Faeron and Balethorn was quiet. It seemed I had fulfilled my karmic duty as neither bandit nor bandersnatch attacked me on the road.

In fact, nothing seemed to make its presence known to me along the road. The silence became palpable the further I rode from Faeron but I soldiered on. Curiosity got the best of me and trap or not, I needed to know how they knew me.

The sunlight began to wane and for the first time since I set out, I felt a pair of eyes following. Monstrous trees cast tall shadows all around me, threatening to swallow the path before me. Even the horse felt the tension, straying off the road in fear.

“Shh, it’s okay. I won’t let anything happen to you,” I whispered into the ear of the horse, thankful no one was around to see me trying to console him.

A few people see you talking to animals and rumors quickly spread. As if druids are the only ones in touch with nature.

His whining stopped for a second and as I leaned back, I caught sight of a light in the distance, beckoning my presence. This was it, had to be it. The closer I rode the more grandiose the building presented itself.

Dirt roads turned to pristine cobblestone, clacking evenly beneath my horse’s hooves. The mansion was a bulwark of civility in the middle of a savage forest. Gold lanterns lit the path before me, shining bright against solid red brick walls. A low overture began to fill the silence of the forest as a pair of stablemen greeted me at the door.

I dismounted and nodded to them both before they took my horse. Laughter spilled from the opening doors, making me immediately regret coming here.

Haughty laughter and sour notes filled the pauses in forced conversations between noble men and women. There were people of power and influence littering the room, keeping their political rivals at arms length and I began wondering just what I walked into.

“I see I’m not the only one lost here,” said a voice to my left.

I turned to see a young woman smirking at me with plump lips and a viper’s gaze. Thick coils of jet black hair encircled her head, covering one lavender eye. She folded her arms over the low-cut black dress that hugged her more than ample curves, letting the light bounce off her deep umber skin.

Our eyes met and at once I felt like the prey staring down his predator. She stood barely up to my chest but there was something about her that made her presence monstrous.

“S-seems that way,” I stammered before she made her approach.

“Iris Glaive, explorer extraordinaire who’s apparently been tasked with teaching a brat how to go spelunking. And you are?” she asked before looking away from me.

Her eyes scanned the room, continuously reading and assessing the gathered partygoers. There was something dark about her, a sinister air threatening to choke me. I could tell she knew and relished it.

“Eonis...Everfall and yes, I am quite lost. I believe I’m to be the party’s entertainment but it seems they already have a musician.”

Sour notes and uncoordinated key changes threw the entire overture away, leaving nothing but its crumbs behind but no one seemed to take note. I glanced down to Iris and she smirked, saying, “That’s a shame. I would hope your playing doesn’t make my ears bleed like this current amatuer.”

I smirked back to her as she took notice of the talentless talent and felt that predatory gaze soften. She tapped my arm and my heart skipped a beat when she said, “Come, there’s mead, and it’s far away from this sound.”

She turned to walk away and I followed but even a few steps behind, I felt her eyes hard pressed on me. She shared that she had received the same strange invitation as I did and intrigue got the best of her but the idea of her being a plain old adventurer didn’t sit right with me. There was something dark lurking beneath the visage before me and it could tell I saw it.  

She turned on a dime, handing me a glass of mead before giving my glass a light tap in toast and saying, “So you’re a bard, I see.”

I swallowed my mead and nearly choked when she made her quick assessment. I squinted and she raised a hand before saying, “How can I tell, you ask? There’s a little arcane trick they’ve taught you kiddies for centuries and it always makes my nose itch when you try it on me. Don’t you worry. There’s no need to read me. Our meeting won’t matter after tonight.”

She took a slow drink from her glass, smiling softly and I stared in silent contemplation. Who was this woman? What was she?

She smirked as if she’d heard my thoughts before delivering a sly wink. She leaned in close and stood on the tips of her toes, whispering, “Don’t worry bout a thing. Nothing sinister was meant. I was just saying it’s back to adventuring after this. Besides….even if it were sinister, there are plenty of guards here to stop me.”

She tapped my shoulder as she leaned back and her eyes darted around the room. Sure enough, there were several guards covertly stationed around the room at several windows and doorways. At a gala such as this, it wasn’t a strange occurrence to see a slew of guards spread around the place but Iris’ wicked tone seemed to suggest something sinister.

“Enjoy the party,” she curtsied and walking away.

I watched her disappear into the party, greeting high society types as if she’d entertained this sort before. She seemed right at home in this atmosphere of glitz and glamour. Neither gold leafed hors d’oeuvre nor jewel encrusted finery could dismay her sense of status. I found myself unable to take my eyes off her until a guard stepped in my path, causing me to stagger back in alarm.

“Sir Everfall, yes? You’ve been invited to a private dinner with the guests of honor,” he said through the iron helmet covering his face. I stood straight up and shook away my nerves before he said, “Do not worry about the entertainment. You will be compensated for your time here. Please, follow me.”

The guard spoke in a monotone voice, not once waiting to see if I was taking in anything he said. He turned and walked away with the suggestion to follow. I scanned the room for Iris to ask what she’d make of this new private invitation but she was already gone.

By now the room was lost in its revelry and as I passed through the dance floor at a brisk pace behind the guard, I could hear nothing but a string of sour notes being played. I could tell fate was giving me a sign but curiosity got the better of me. If only to see the guest of honor, I followed the guard into a large dining hall separated from the dance floor by a set of towering oak doors.

Inside I was greeted by an assortment of new faces and sure enough, Iris sat among among them. She raised a glass to me with a smirk before turning back to a heated debate between political rivals, instigating their argument.

The guard closed the doors and walked ahead to pull out what had to be my assigned seating. I followed, taking a seat only after noticing the ball of nerves dressed in ornate robes seated next to me. A lithe young man with cheekbones sharper than than the edge of a claymore fidgeted in his seat with his head down. He was a statue carved of red granite, moving incrementally before returning to his starting position. Tendrils of coarse black hair hung loosely over one side of his head while the other side was pinned back, revealing an elven ear.

“Nice to meet another elf here. I’m Eonis, Eonis Everfall,” I tried my best to start up a conversation without having him die of shock.

He nearly leaped out of his skin when he heard my voice, turning slowly to look at me with amber eyes through thick lenses of glasses. He cracked a smile that quickly faded to a grin before he looked back down and nodded.

“R-right. Yes, nice to meet you as well. I’m B-belia, Belia Borfin,” he stuttered before wincing and saying, “S-sorry. I’m nervous. I’ve never been to an event like this. I attended with my Professor and other students but it seems I’ve been separated from the lot.”

His voice rattled worse than his body did and I attempted a grin to ease his nerves, asking, “So you’re a mage?”

He inhaled a sharp breath before looking up and nodding quickly.

“Y-yes, well, I’m attempting to be...I’m not that good right now but my Professor says it’s to be expected of apprentices. I just hope to do my best”

“Don’t you worry your pretty little head. At least your not the son of archmages who can’t even make a coin disappear. You’ll do just fine.”

I winked to him as he looked into my eyes and he let out a nervous laugh that seemed to ease him a tick.

“Thank you.” He looked around the room, mouth agape in awe, asking, “Any idea exactly who’s party we’re attending?”

I shrugged at his question looking around in awe just as he did before taking another sip of mead. The room seemed to be filled with a hodgepodge of guests. An armored knight sat next to a cobbler and a craftsman on one side of the table while a drunkard, political figures, and socialites sat on the other side of the table. I spotted another patron, masked and lost in prayer before the grand doors slid open and gasps abound from all gathered as a familiar face made his presence known.

“Welcome,” said the tall high elf, dressed in extravagant robes of gold painted moons as he strolled into the room. Whispers spilled from the crowd as he tapped his staff on the ground before taking a seat at the head of the table.

“I’m not sure if an introduction is needed here but I will make one either way. I am Moridon Highwater of the Rolling Glens, Grand Magus of Alstaff.”

He nodded and closed his eyes as the crowds whispering grew but I could only stare in shock. Of course there was no need for introduction.

Moridon Highwater was known throughout the lands. Advisor to the King of Alstaff, Moridon’s power was unparalleled in the field of sorcery. Not even my parents held a candle to his might. He had been born the son magicless vagrants and quickly became the most powerful self-taught mage of our time. He was my mirror.

He opened his eyes slowly and I could feel his gaze brush by briefly as if he’d heard my thoughts. He looked around the table and grinned to the gathered before saying, “I must apologize for the lateness of our young miss. She has asked me to continue the dinner in her stead. It seems her dress was not quite right so we’re having the Modiste Magus conjure up a new dress.”

He chuckled and the room exploded in laughter but I watched in silence at his strained laughter. There was a venomous aura about him, a power he tamped down just to be around the gathered mundane. I could hear Belia’s dinnerware clatter as he put a hand on the table before pulling it away with his other hand.

He was pouring sweat and no doubt trapped between shock and horror at the power before him. I placed a hand on his and looked him in the eye, breathing slowly and nodding for him to follow. He took a few deep breaths before nodding quickly and I let go of his hand. It seemed he had yet to be trained on refining his aura and at his current rate, he was only seconds from being devoured.

My focus darted to Iris and from across the table I spotted her cold intentful stare focused squarely on Moridon as she sipped from her glass. As I looked around, it seemed the whole room was unaware of the power we faced, all except the three of us and the masked knight lost in prayer.

I turned back to Moridon and caught a fraction of a grin before he tapped his staff on the ground. Light flickered from the rose quartz crystal atop an angelic pair of wings that gilded the top of his staff before filling the room.

“Shall we feast?” he said with a smile before the doors opened up and several waiters poured into the room.

A buffet of the finest meats and cheeses littered the table as they brought out more and more entrees and desserts. People began jumping at the food before placing could even finish. They were ravenous, insatiable, and I couldn’t help but lose my appetite at the display.

My focus drifted to Moridon who sat stone-faced, watching the carnage without taking a bite to eat and I swallowed hard before asking, “This is nice and all, but who exactly is this ‘young miss’ we’re here to meet?”

His eyes darted to mine and I nearly collapsed in my seat from his predatory gaze. I could feel him, wriggling through my thoughts, through the entirety of my being before Iris cleared her throat.

“I’ve been wondering the same thing,” she said in defense of my questioning and the room seemed to take a break from eating all at once.

Moridon delivered a strained grin and I tried to hop out of my seat to no avail. I was paralyzed in fear.

“Oh you may know of her. Prestigious royalty from a land far from here,” he began to say as his voice lilted. “She was once the Queen of an entire realm, you see, but as you know, not everything lasts for everyone. Not even the eternal.”

He cut Iris a sharp glare before his face returned to a grin in seconds. I could see her shaking slightly but not once did she move to put down the glass in her hand. The mead vibrated with her nervous energy before Moridon continued.

“It seems not everyone was satisfied with her rule and so, under the cover of darkness, like the spineless wretches they were, her royal court committed a heinous act. You see, the young miss couldn’t be killed, no, not with the power she possessed. Her court knew it and to see her deposed, they hatched an ingenious plan. A crystal was forged with the power to capture a god and on that night they did as such, ensnaring her and shattering its pieces….Only, they thought this would be the end of the young miss but as the crystal shattered into endless shards, so did her essence, dispersing into the world and finding homes in the oddest of places. Knights, cobblers, craftsmen, and bards.”

His voice boomed as he said his last line and the room was frozen in horror before one of politicians screamed in terror and leaped from her seat. The whole room erupted in a panic and screams could be heard from the hall just beyond the doors. All the while, Moridon remained seated, smirking coyly.

“Oh there’s no point in running. Now that you’ve ingested the flesh and blood of the young miss, you won’t make it far,” he said before one of the guests jumped from their seat and doubled over, grabbing his stomach in pain.

He grabbed his throat as figures moved up it and tendrils shot out of his mouth. I leaped from my seat as Iris grabbed her stomach, brandishing my wand and shouting, “Wretch! Wretch! WRETCH!”

In rapid succession, I fired several spells around the room before my stomach rumbled and the doors flew open. I turned the wand on myself and fell to my knees as the searing pain of bile raced up my throat.

I pulled Belia under the table and grabbed a dagger from my boot as the marching of the guard’s feet filled the room.

“Don’t move!” I shouted before several hands pulled me away.

I turned my dagger on the armored hands of my captor, shouting, “Allegro!”

The spell took off, sending my dagger hand rocketing through the air with enough force to pierce metal but the guard barely registered the pain. My eyes darted around the room and I spotted Iris’ blood covered mouth before I looked to the still seated Moridon. Stoned faced and silent, he watched as the guards swarmed everyone before tapping his staff on the ground.

Darkness filled the edges of my eyes and then before I knew it, I was gone.

[manascoundrel]

Trophy- Chapter 7

by Yarking Fandom: Dragon Age (general) Summery: Two troubled children meet at the Minrathous Circle. One is a magister’s heir, groomed to be the blood mage general of Seheron, without fear or mercy. Hopefully, that will keep people from noticing how very much an elf he is. The other is last born, least loved and most of his emotions involve academics and cadavers. They love each other, even if they’re not terribly good at it. Warnings for this chapter: talk of ableism, eugenics, victim blaming, more voices, refence to surgically removed body parts for science (brief mention of eyeballs and misc organs, non-graphic), aaaand a... big implied Something Bad at the end of the chapter. Which is vague but so is the thing. AO3: here

The stutter was going to be a problem.

Gaius Albus Danarius sat hunched at his desk, lips thin and brow drawn. He had already contacted the circle (discreetly), inquiring about a (discreet) tutor for young Tertius' particular blemish, but there was no overnight solution. There was no answer to be found in blood magic, that he was sure of. His desk was covered in open tomes, the likes of which he would not ordinarily let see the light of day without locking and warding the room. More books littered the floor, uneven, messy, horrible things that tightened the tension along his spine even further. The further away from his desk- a point of origin- the more harmless and more hopeless the sources became. He had given up on finding anything salient when he found himself reading about spirit healers and the absurdity and unlikelihood of fixing the issue in a plain and simple, single spell finally registered.

A spirit healer. Magister Danarius scoffed at the notion, resting his chin pensively in palm. He might as well be looking for a somniari in the heart of the Imperium.

He hated this. A walking shame of his family name out there, sputtering like a slave that was addled from years of processing lyrium. It was a long, black shadow cast on his house's name, a name that he had so painstakingly cultivated to its pristine glory. Past. Spoiled. All due to a moment of impatience and indiscretion.

Looking around the room a final time, Magister Danarius shut his eyes and let out a harsh breath through his nose. He slipped a hand into his pocket, fingers closing around the round, smooth gem there, and sent two pulses of mana into it, summoning his seneschal.

The young woman appeared at the door of his study swiftly, hesitating at the threshold as she looked at the scattered books that littered the typically orderly room.

"Master," she began, gaze traveling along the ground, following the books until she reached his hem, then upward to him folded irritably in his chair. "You seem..."

"Despondent?" Magister Danarius offered with a thin, bitter smile. "Defeated?"

"I was going to say troubled," the seneschal assured. Ever politique. That's why he had hired her.

He clapped his book shut brusquely. "I have a problem, Alina. The worst type of problem, my dear. The kind that involves public shame, and cannot be resolved with magic."

Seneschal Alina looked appropriately dubious. Magister Danarius wasn't certain why- he had just said it couldn't be solved with magic, and blood magic was certainly implied to be included. Her blood was staying right where it was, and besides that, he had better options than her for a sacrifice. She did acceptable work, and would take time to replace, besides.

"I'm sorry to hear that, master," she replied cautiously, bowing as if it were compulsion. You'd think she were liberate with how antsy she was.

"Since I can't throw magic at the problem and have it go away, I'm going to do the next best thing and throw money at it."

"Master?"

Magister Danarius deposited his book atop the pile already on his desk and steepled his fingers. "Tertius' stutter couldn't be fixed before the beginning of his schooling, and to delay enrollment risks making him look unprepared and thus weak. Which makes us look weak, poor-bred and ripe for assassination. I had instructed the boy to remain silent when it was an option, but the charade can't last forever. People will hear, and people will know, and then we wouldn't be in a terribly better position than we were in delaying his education. I've already contacted tutors who teach-" Danarius' scowl grew disgusted- "remedial and delayed apprentices privately."

"You are asking me to adjust our financial records to reflect the payment for his tutors? I can do that, certainly, and make sure to file it under something innocuous sounding so-"

"Yes, yes, that is part of it, possibly. But as I said, it cannot be resolved overnight. I want to display our family's assets to offset as much damage that boy will do when he inevitably opens his mouth. I've already sent in for a high quality foci for his first training staff commission. The purity of the foci will help demonstrate the ample magic in our bloodline, but we need more than that. We can't rest on genealogical superiority when the little disaster appears malformed. We need to distract from that with our house's other assets. If we can't figure out something to distract from his shortcomings, we have the option to send a Crow for Tertius, but that has it's own undesirable effects."

The seneschal said nothing at first, seeming stunned. "Of course," she managed, thickly. "We can't afford to give the house's enemies any ideas by sending an assassin for our own."

Magister Danarius scowled. "Don't be sentimental. I have an heir, and I have a spare. Tertius' only responsibility is trying to avoid tarnishing our family's name, which he has so far managed to compromise by existing and speaking. I'm not convinced that he'll become less of a problem the longer he's in the public eye."

The seneschal bowed, keeping her head turned downward in penitence. "He is fortunate that you've given him the opportunity at all, I'm certain."

"He is," Magister Danarius agreed, coldly. It had been the boy's fault, after all, for not doing the most basic task asked of him and simply obey. It was regrettable that Magister Danarius momentarily lost his composure. It is not something he is proud of (and, in fact, something he hadn't like to dwell on since the incident) but it hadn't needed to be so if Tertius had minded. Willful creature. So like his mother.

After a chilly silence and moment of time, the seneschal risked speaking again. "Did you have something in mind for me to arrange delivered, or were you seeking suggestions?"

"Suggestions. Right now, the Crow is my best option. I'm looking for something better. Something that will tilt impressions into something passably favorable, at least until Tertius' shortcomings can be worked out of him." Magister Danarius' fingertips brushed against his lips and tapped thoughtfully. "Sending a personal slave at his age would look suspicious, he's too young to have any use for one, save perhaps as a personal guard or chaperone. We don't want to give the impression that he needs either of those things- that too would give the appearance of weakness. But slaves with magic in the blood is the vast majority of House Danarius' assets. That's what we're known for."

The seneschal remained silent for a beat, thinking. "Master, if I might make a suggestion?"

"Go ahead, as I said that's why you're here."

"Young Master Tertius' isn't just a Danarius," the seneschal said cautiously, teasing the words out as if braced for offence to be taken. "Since his staff is already a show of your wealth, you could use your ties to his mother's house to distract the students. Wasn't your late wife- Andraste bless her- from a prestigious house herself?"

Magister Danarius' eyes lowered. When he eventually spoke, his words were quiet and unreadable. "Capella was not chosen for her wealth, status, or magical prowess. My duties to the Imperium as a progenitor and househead was fulfilled with my first wife, as you well know."

"Yes, of course, Master. But could you remind me, what was Mistress Danarius' house known for?"

"The most significant thing her family accomplished outside of producing her was their horses. Her... I believe great aunt or somesuch... developed the chargers we use in our cavalry and the Vinter Warmblood. The breed the Archon uses? Well, when he's not traveling via palanquin," Magister Danarius explained. He sounded vexed. "I'm not certain what could be done with that."

Seneschal Alina shifted and gave a very suspicious sounding cough. "If only, master, there were something that every five-year-old desired. Something that would cause enough envy that that was what was reported to the apprentices parents when reporting on young master Tertius."

Magister Danarius closed his eyes. He opened them.

"In my defense," he said, a serpentine smile growing slowly at his thin lips, "it has been quite some time since I've been a five-year-old. But I think I've gathered what you're suggestion."

--

Tertius was the luckiest, most loved, most excited, most grateful five-year-old in the entire Circle.

He had Stardust.

Stardust was a pony. Her real name was something too long for him to hope to remember, let alone manage to say (she was a very fancy pony, apparently, whose long name came from her 'impressive' lineage), but the pony was dappled grey like the softest sprinkle of dust over something that had long been present but never been touched, and had a star on her head as brilliant as fresh milk. Thus, Stardust. He had even got to name her (well, nickname her), and if anyone had anything bad to say about her Tertius was prepared to study for a hundred hours straight just so he'd know how to cast a fireball at anyone who would dare disparage her.

Since the day she arrived, Tertius had found time to make it out the the stables and riding arena every day. Even when the rain was pouring down and the stablemaster had banned him and the other young riders from taking their horses out in the rain (too great was the risk of slipping and injury), Tertius still slipped into the stables to visit her, bribing her approval with the soggy lump of sugar sticking to his palm that had once been a cube.

The stablemaster had caught him once early on and, not believing Tertius when he said he was just there to talk to his mare, made him muck out a stable as penance. In the end he had only managed a small corner before the stablemaster had thrown his hands into the air and given up on making a skinny five-year-old aristocrat heave dung.

"Shouldn't you be in classes? Or running around like kids are supposed to with their friends?" the stablemaster had asked, after watching Tertius visit enough times to know he truly was saying hello to Stardust for the company and nothing more.

Tertius wilted, his fingers scritching Stardust's withers and making her eyes close in sleepy approval. It was true he had classes that day, but the classes were troubling. While most of the students hadn't had their magic grow in yet, their lessons mostly consisted of practicing learning runes, learning the theory behind casting spells and visualizations. The former of which came easily enough to Tertius, but the latter proved to be a struggle.

He was good at picturing things with his mind, which the enchanter had explained was an important part of learning how to cast. Closing his eyes and envisioning with all the focus he had came naturally to Tertius, and was something he had practiced trying to draw things even before he came to the Circle. The difficult part was looking inside to figure out how he felt. The enchanter had assured them all that knowing yourself was absolutely critical in protecting yourself from possession, to know what voices were your own and which voices were coming from beyond.

That exercise was a bit more complicated when he had voices whispering to him that he was pretty sure at this point he wasn't supposed to have. Even when the enchanter spoke of those other voices, she had always framed it as "in the future" and "when you dream" and "asking you for things". None of which seemed to apply to Tertius' particular problem.

In a way, this was good. It meant the distant, unintelligible murmurs weren't demons trying to trick him. Tertius couldn't hear exactly what they were saying, but he had a hunch they weren't asking for anything. Most of the time it felt as if they weren't even aware he was listening, and he never truly felt threatened or scared by the voices, even when they had first arrived. He hardly ever mistook them for sounds in the room that others could hear too, and his accuracy in picking that out only grew keener as he practiced.

But when his only assignments to work on outside of class is to "practice listening to his own internal voice", he felt uniquely isolated having the added need to shut out the whispers that would not go away no matter how he clasped his hands over his ears.

"I like it here," Tertius said, simply. "It'sss, quiet."

That was true as well. The stables were some distance away from the Circle proper, out on the edge of the grounds. The farther he went from the Circle's towers, the softer the voices grew, and when he rode he felt the same peace he did at night, when he squinted down at the anatomy drawings that seemed to sooth the invisible crowd that followed him.

He didn't need to worry about the whispers when he was out visiting the stables and he didn't worry about how his own words clipped and caught on his teeth when he spoke; his only audience the stablehands (mostly disinterested slaves who wouldn't concern themselves with him anyway) and Stardust. He could ride in peace, or sit listening to the patter of rain on the stable's roof as he sketched out the face of the big charger who watched him curiously accross the stable's aisle. He would blow his breath gently on the page, brushing away charcoal dust and errant straw, feeling alone but no longer lonely.

At night, Tertius felt lonely but not alone. He couldn't justify sleeping out in the stables, no matter how quiet he'd promise he'd be or how comfortable he swore the piles of hay were (although he lied- they prickled and poked at him whenever he sat on them, to say nothing of laying down). Even if he did, he imagined he'd wake feeling groggy and strange like when he napped in the atrium or out on his estate's patio. But sleeping back in the Circle meant the voices would forever pester him as he laid down to sleep, and he was constantly being chastised by the patrolling dorm prefect to "snuff that light and go to sleep, Maker's sake!"

At first, Tertius' solution was to sleep practically on top of the dense anatomy reference book he had checked out from the library, holding it like some of the other students held stuffed toys. The whispers were silent only when he had the thing opened, but having it so close felt comforting and right, and when he got bored he'd slip it open to one of the illustrations and squint at it in the dark.

Later, Tertius grew bolder, realizing that the prefects and dorm master had little time to focus on him when he wasn't being genuinely disruptive. He was quiet and obedient during the day, taking so frequent naps that he was asleep nearly as often as he was awake, but that certainly stemmed from his nocturnal adventures after lights out. It had only taken a few days to figure out the patrol's schedule, and after constructing a Tertius-shaped lump with his pillow that he thought was actually quite impressive, he crept between the partitioned beds and slipped silently into the Circle's dark corridors.

It was all very exciting, pretending to hide in the enclaves of the Tevinter architecture and dodging older students as he ghosted through the halls. Outside the dormitory wing few people gave him a second glance, even with how young he was. Granted, there weren't many people up and about at that time of night, but there were always a sprinkling of older students hard at work in the library, academically-induced neuroticism making them interesting subjects for people-watching.

Tertius spent a great deal of his time at night, trotting silent and free between the tall walls of bookshelves and exploring. There was a loft that overlooked most of the lower level, piles of pillows and blankets and low tables for resting food as the students worked, which he enjoyed using to get a bird's eye view of everyone up reading and studying.

There he first noticed how some of the bookcases overlapped reading enclaves, making little hidden dens he could hide in if he squirmed through one of the lower shelves. He tried it instantly, counting out the bookcases carefully and then finally pulling out all the texts in the bottom row. Sure enough, there was space behind the gap of books, enough for him to stretch out with one of the glowing stones they lent out in the library (as lanterns and other open flames were banned near the books) and some food and pencils. Like having his own little room. Delightful!

That's not to say the Library was the only place Tertius visited during the night. He stayed indoors, true, but he enjoyed sneaking into classrooms while they were not in use, his lantern illuminating the austere trappings of those that were meant for the older students. It appeared that the classroom he attended were purposefully childish with their large-lettered postings and more fanciful hung pictures. For the most part, he couldn't say the classroom for older children were preferable. The exception was one room in the east wing that had a very pretty painting of a horse galloping. That one was okay.

Wherever he went, the whispers would follow. It became a more distant bother gradually, something different about him like his stutter or Stardust, but neither bad nor good. After a time Tertius realized he was probably able to ignore the voices well enough and sleep at night like the others, but slinking around proved to be so enjoyable he elected to spend his free time at night.

That changed one night when he was exploring the northern wing for the first time. He had been amusing himself on the staircases, skipping up and down the steps and counting out the numbers quietly to himself, when he realized he had gone lower and lower. Looking down the hallway, he saw that the tall windows that lined the corridor walls were gone and replaced by panes of stained glass, illuminated from behind by a kind of magic Tertius couldn't make out through the foggy translucent. He was below ground, on one of the Circle's basement floors.

This place called to him.

Not only literally, with the whispers growing louder and most distinct, more recognizable and just inches away from something he could understand, but there was a deep longing in his chest that felt familiar and right. He walked slowly down the hallway, his boots echoing throughout the empty rooms in the dead of night.

As he moved, he peeked into the rooms, silently observing the wide, low-set tables and stools and the abandoned books still open to where people had last read them. Eyes looked blindly down on him from above, drifting in their jars of formaldehyde next to the strange shapes of other, less placeable organs.

The naturalist's labs.

Tertius smiled faintly, taking in the welcoming, chemical smell. He wouldn't have classes here for years yet, but it already felt like home. He skulked across the hallway to the adjacent classroom to see how many of the body parts there he could label, and if the older students had any experiments out that he could observe.

It was only when the familiar ache of tiredness in his small body warned at the impending dawn did Tertius abandon the labs, hopping up the stairs just in time to see the reverse silhouette of the sunrise begin to form and stretch over the floors of the first story's halls. Just in time to run out and catch Stardust for a pet and a kiss before the other kids would be waking up.

--

He returned that night, compelled by the feeling of home and by the still-nebulous voices that spoke just beyond his hearing. The stables were a haven for him during the day, warm and quiet and filled with the earthy scent of sweat and dung, but in the blue cast of the night Tertius felt compelled to the antithesis, the cold and abandoned and chemical, where the whispers commanded him loudest.

He returned again and again, sometimes looking at the big, beautiful diagrams of disected creatures drawn in chalk on the board by lanternlight and later, when his magic began to smolder into life, by the tiny, flickering magelight that was the first spell he and the other children were taught. The first time he had brought his staff down with him to the lab, he had ended up stowing it in one of the rooms for the night, so distracting was the voices. But he remained curious as to their nature, and drawn to experimenting with the phenomena how he could. Ran tests as he ventured deeper and further into the labs, and recorded the changes in the whispers as he heard them in his sketch book, next to drawings of bones.

Naturalist's words, like he read in his books. He'd be a proper researcher, practice for when he grew up.

It was a warmer night when, amongst the whispers, Tertius heard a true voice. He instantly knew it was real, that it was there and present in a way the others had not been, and he leapt up from where he was sitting and reading in the dark to follow this new development, only pausing to grab his sketchbook.

He spirited towards the sounds, excited for even a hint at what they had been saying all this time now that one was close enough to record, and jumped at a shrill scream that ended abruptly.

Tertius wondered in fear for only half a moment, before he crept cautiously forward. He knew the whispers weren't bad, they weren't sounds like that, and when he turned down the next corridor and to the sound he was proven right. One of the doors was left ajar, a low light cutting a yellow line against the ground where it peeked through.

It hadn't been the whispers, Tertius realized, almost disappointed that there would be no resolution or even a new discovery in his own strangeness. But then, he had visited the labs at night many times, and they had always been deserted. Why would that suddenly change?

Tertius inched forward, cringing and flinching at the sounds of wailing and impact, of whispers from present people and what sounded like laughter or sobbing, he couldn't really tell. Gradually, slowly, he gathered up at the mouth of the room and aligned his eye with the sliver of open door.

There were older students there, crowding around and delighted with their entertainment: one of them held a large sack, the kind Tertius had seen slaves haul to the kitchen, filled with foodstuffs. they had one end gathered up as the bag squirmed.

There was something in it.

It was too big. There was someone in it.

The muffled screaming had an origin now, at odds with the laughter of the older apprentices. The one holding the sack loosened the gathered section enough for another to drop something- what Tertius could not see- into the bag and clamp it up behind it, gut-busting laughter following as the thrashing in the bag redoubled.

"Do another one, do another one!" one of the boys goaded in a loud hush.

Tertius didn't wait around and see if the other obliged. He did not understand this, but he knew with the same instinct that told him to hide the whispers that this was wrong, that he needed to tell someone, and he trusted that instinct. He fled.

[maylocnuocplasma]

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Going out with websites intended for the incapable have been an excellent service for those living with disability or constraining medical conditions. For the duration of his loss of life, McLuhan’s status was in all probability at its least expensive ebb. The media homework centre he founded by Toronto University had been closed down down. The period of his popular celebrity – if he had made an appearance on TV, offered numerous open public lectures, and made a cameo appearance (as himself) in Hard woody Allen’s film Annie Hall — all this was at the past. Within the academic globe there was wide-spread doubt regarding his hypotheses. Today, however , interest is definitely reviving. His 1964 publication Understanding Mass media has been reprinted by Routledge Classics each year since 2001 (three intervals in 2008). People are examining McLuhan, and it is not too difficult to know why.

Specifically! If you can afford them and love and care for these people go for it nevertheless most people with large households these days wrap up living about welfare as they aren’t afford all the children they may have bought in the world plus the children are the ones that suffer, the ones that aren’t making money off t. sixth is v. shows.

My very own doctoral dissertation—Human Replay: A Theory of the Evolution of Media (1979)—in a sense required McLuhan’s observation that electronic media call to mind oral habits of interaction and changed it to a theory that media become more natural, a reduced amount of artificial, even more human, because they evolve. Different theorists—ranging right from Darwin to Popper—played key roles within my work, although McLuhan was your key aid. His traditional connections popped up throughout the dissertation, because they continue to do it whenever I just write about landline calls.

Fractalnoia – making impression of our universe entirely in today’s tense, by drawing internet connections between elements – sometimes inappropriately. The conspiracy hypotheses of the web, the use of Big Data to predict the direction of entire masse, and the frenzied effort of presidency to function without having grand narrative. ” Nonetheless also the emerging skill of design recognition” and the campaigns of people to map the earth as a group of relationships known as TheBrain — a grandchild of McLuhan’s global village”.

Through its continual barrage and consistent repeating the modern news flash allows a virus to multiply into our greatly self-referential advertising space, and has an ability to comment on the media itself. Rushkoff says that: “The viral covering permits the memes to spread just before they have a likelihood to be marginalized. Viruses lounger themselves in irony and appeal to the objective sensibilities of the viewers. Viral shells may be understood seeing that framing gadgets that induce us to distance ourselves from the problems within these people. This objectification of the problems allows us to understand the symbols in our media because symbols and necessarily reality. As well, we are made mindful of the complexities beneath evidently simple illustrations of our universe. ” In cases like this, a contemporary society no longer simply uses technology as a support but instead is shaped by it.

It is quite difficult pertaining to disabled women to meet males unlike just for other ladies that are typical. From the period when online dating websites and companies have signed up with hand in hand to eliminate this problem, their work have been paid off since it contains turned to end up being achievable intended for disabled females to have a time. Dating a disabled woman is not different from going out with a woman who does not have any physical problem.

Bài viết Handicapped Mate đã xuất hiện đầu tiên vào ngày Máy lọc nước Plasma - Máy lọc nước RO Nano Chính Hãng.

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[gethealthy18-blog]

5 Reasons to Choose Organic

New Post has been published on http://healingawerness.com/news/5-reasons-to-choose-organic/

5 Reasons to Choose Organic

A few months ago I found myself having a really interesting conversation with my parents. We were down in Santa Cruz, which is basically the mecca of the organic food movement. With an innovative organic farming program at UCSC and many vegetables (and berries!) being grown in the region and surrounding areas the conversation of organic food not surprisingly came up.

The last few years have been a crash course for me in learning about the organic food movement. Prior to this education I figured I’d be fine choosing the “clean fifteen” and buying organic from the “dirty dozen”. It never occurred to me that the choices I make with my wallet have larger implications. Our legal right to vote in municipal, state and federal elections is incredibly important, but the votes we make everyday with our purchasing power are not to be diminished.

But back to that conversation…

My Mom was saying that growing up all of her vegetables came in a can and I’m fairly certain my Dad didn’t know green vegetables existed until he met my Mom at 18. The fact that they can now go to a grocery store or better yet, get fresh produce delivered is a huge leap for them from their upbringings. And I’m 100% in support of this. Having access to fresh produce is imperative, organic or not. That being said, there are so many reasons to choose organic and as I discovered in speaking with my parents, these reasons can get lost in the confusing messaging and conflicting resources available.

What I’ve found is that each person differs in their organic why. Everyone has their own why and individually and together they all make extremely valid reasons for choosing organic. However, the more I learn about these reasons, the more I realize how there is a HUGE lack of communication from advocates for organics and the general public. It’s not that this information isn’t available. It is. There is conclusive evidence for each argument to choose organic but taking that information and interpreting it in an easily digestible manner is not available. Not to mention the powerful lobbying groups on the other side whose sole aim is to demonize organics for no other reason than to increase their own profits. But I digress!

So in today’s post I’m sharing 5 reasons to choose organic along with evidence-based research helping to support each cause. The leaders in the organic movement including the Organic Farming Research Foundation, California Certified Organic Farmers (CCOF), The Organic Trade Association (OTA) among many others deserve the credit, but if I can be a conduit to communicate their messaging, I will have done my job well. My hope is that at least one of these reasons will speak to you, but if not I just ask you to do what you can within your means.

I also want to take a second to thank Earthbound Farm for sponsoring this post. Earthbound has been 100% organic since its founding 34 years ago and today grows 30,000 certified organic crop acres. I was given the opportunity to visit Earthbound’s organic farms in the Salinas and Carmel Valleys and learn more about the organic movement. Earthbound is a company bringing organic produce to all but more importantly, spreading the message of why organics matter. Whether you choose organic for the taste, the health benefits or for the health of the planet is up to you but they believe you have the right to all the information to make the decision that is right for you. I could not be more proud to align The Healthy Maven with an incredible mission-driven company. More on them below.

5 REASONS TO CHOOSE ORGANIC

1. The Taste

I can never fault anyone for letting their tastebuds make the decisions. A really interesting fact I learned on my trip with Earthbound was that one of the reasons it’s believed that organic food tastes better is because the produce is allowed to grow at it’s own pace rather than having that growth sped up by synthetic fertilizers. Think of it like slow cooking. We all know food tastes better when it’s been slow cooked. The same applies to the growing of fruits and vegetables. Research has also shown that organic food has up to 69% higher levels of antioxidants, which contributes to its more delicious flavor (source).

2. Your Health

I’m convinced that organic food is better for your health. The commonly used herbicide Roundup (also known as Glyphosate) has been classified as a “probable human carcinogen,” by the WHO’s International Agency for Research on Cancer (source) and the insecticide chlorpyrifos has been associated with developmental delays in infants (source). A recent ground-breaking study in France showed that eating an organic food-based diet was associated with a reduced risk of cancer (source). In addition to the lack of pesticides, organic produce has has been shown to be higher in nutrients, such as Vitamin C, iron, magnesium, and phosphorus (source). The reality is that while a low amount of pesticides may not be extremely harmful to us, long-term exposure in everything from our food to our body care products will have an impact on us.

3. The Health Of Our Soil

Continued exposure to pesticides and fertilizers degrades the quality of our soil to a point where it can no longer be useful. Organic farming on the other hand, actually improves the quality of the soil (source). Think of soil like you think about your gut. Having a healthy gut has an enormous impact on our immune systems and the quality of our health. One of the best ways you can care for your gut is by ensuring there is a good balance of bacteria. Having good bacteria is so so important. Same goes for our soil. Our soil has it’s own microbiome and persistent use of pesticides is like long-term use of antibiotics. It not only destroys the bad bacteria, but it also destroys the good bacteria. At some point there’s no bacteria left to allow the soil to care for itself. It becomes dependent on chemicals to keep it functioning and eventually even that won’t be effective.

According to the soil scientist Dr. Elaine Ingham:

“If we lose both bacteria and fungi, then the soil degrades. Overuse of chemical fertilizers and pesticides have effects on the soil organisms that are similar to human overuse of antibiotics. Indiscriminate use of chemicals might work for a few years, but after awhile, there aren’t enough beneficial soil organisms to hold onto the nutrients” (source)

4. Climate Change

There is actually evidence that choosing organic is helping to prevent climate change, as well as reverse it. Research shows that organic farming has a lower net energy footprint compared to conventional (source). Because most energy is produced by burning fossil fuels that release carbon dioxide (the most common greenhouse gas), lower energy use means less climate change. There is also evidence that organic practices, with their focus on improving soil quality actually store more carbon in soil.  On average, organic farms have 44% higher levels of humic acid, the component of soil that sequesters carbon over the long term than soils not managed organically (source). So the soil is effectively “eating up” the carbon that would otherwise be released into the atmosphere, reversing the impact of climate change (source). While many of us feel helpless in the effects of climate change, one opportunity we all have to help reduce or mitigate its impact is to support organic.

5. Offers Better Conditions for Workers

To be honest I hadn’t really thought about this reason to choose organic until my visit to Earthbound Farm. Meeting the farmers and hearing about why their farmers and farm workers chose to work on an organic farm rather than conventional really hit home for me. Many talked about their history working on conventional farms and their fear of exposure to pesticides as well as the impact on their families. Farmer Larry talked to us about how he wouldn’t hug his kids when he got home from work until he’d showered and changed his clothes for fear of exposing his kids.

Earlier this year Monsanto (the makers of Roundup) were sued and ordered to pay a school groundskeeper $289 million after his years of exposure to the chemical led to a terminal cancer diagnosis (source). Dewayne Johnson used the weed killer up to 30 times a year to treat the fields at the school he was working at. Now imagine what this looks like for the farm workers who are out in the fields day after day being exposed to Roundup or similar chemicals. Choosing organic is not only about what’s best for your body and the health of the planet, it’s also what’s best for your fellow citizens and especially those that work the fields to provide the produce you eat everyday.

Some other questions to ponder…

After my trip with Earthbound, I got a lot of questions about organics and Earthbound in general. I’ll first direct you to this post where I answer a lot of your organic questions, however some came up a couple times that they’re worth repeating or digging into.

Can organic feed the world?

In a simple answer: yes. But there’s a more complicated answer for why. There is an interesting dynamic in the organic food space around big organic vs. little organic. Many people associate organic with that cute little farm stand at your weekly farmer’s market. While I’m 100% in support of this and supporting your local farmers, these types of farms are a) not producing a high enough scale to feed the world and b) not accessible to everyone. Earthbound’s farms may not be small, but having gotten to know their farmers they are equally as passionate about farming in a way that nourishes the soil, not just to grow a crop and profit.

If you have access to local farmers and the money to afford buying your food from them, please do support them! That being said, there are many people in this country who don’t have this accessibility or the funds needed to support small-scale farming. Large-scale organic companies like Earthbound Farms make organic accessible to everyone and are able to produce large enough yields to feed us all. Big organic is not evil and organic does not mean small-scale.

What about the packaging?

I got this question a lot after my trip with Earthbound. To be honest, there isn’t an easy solution to this. What I will say is that when it comes to choosing which products to pick, you’re actually better-off selecting clamshells rather than plastic bags (in terms of baby lettuces). Earthbound’s clamshells are made from 100% PCR plastic (so it’s reused) whereas bags are made from virgin plastic (creating more waste). I know companies like Earthbound are working on a solution to the packaging issue but for now know that everyone is doing the best they can.

But organics still use pesticides right?

Yes, but there’s a difference between synthetic chemicals and natural ones. Using Roundup is not the same as spraying with neem oil – an oil from a type of tree that acts as a powerful insecticide. The standards of organics only allow for 24 naturally-derived pesticides, whereas conventional uses over 1000 types of synthetic pesticides. These natural pesticides are also a final resort after trying things like crop rotation and physically picking off insects. To learn more about what’s required to receive organic certification, check out this page by the USDA.

What if I can’t afford organic?

This is a tricky one, but I’ll say this: Do what you can. There are so many reasons why organics are more expensive. It’s somewhat driven by lower consumer demand, lack of government funding for organics, the need to compensate more workers, among many other reasons. I sympathize, I really do. That being said, we as a society undervalue how much money we should be spending on food. Most countries in the world spend a large chunk of their budget on food, but in the US we expect our food to be dirt cheap. Until we collectively shift our values, everything will seem expensive. The organic premium is actually pretty small. In salads, it’s typically 10-20%… So it’s not just on farmers to drop the prices, it’s on us too.

Do you eat 100% organic?

People ask me this all the time. The true answer: No I do not! Would I like to? Absolutely? But there’s a lot of things out of my control. In our home, we mostly buy organic produce and meat and do the best we can with non-perishables as well as body care and home products. Out of the house, it becomes a lot trickier. I will say that if given the option, we always choose organic. That being said, there’s a lot out of our control and though I dream of a world where we don’t have to ask “is this organic?” I don’t stress about it if it isn’t. Like I said, do what you can with what you have access to.

Disclaimer: This post is sponsored by Earthbound Farm. I was offered a trip to experience their farms and was compensated for my time, however all opinions expressed are 100% my own. Thank you for supporting the brands who help make THM possible! To learn more about Earthbound Farm and the incredible variety of organic produce they grow, visit their site here.

Do you choose organic? What is your “why“? 

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[theworstbob]

yellin’ at songs, week forty-three

11.1.1997 11.3.2007 11.4.2017 still doin’ this, still not sure why

11.1.1997

19) "I Don't Want to Wait," by Paula Cole

whoever did the drums for this song, y'all did some work. thanks for that. um, i don't know. i guess i never would have realized that this song was about how paula cole's grandparents were too stressed or too afflicted with PTSD to appreciate their lives and their blessings so she's gonna seize the moment, given that i associated this song with a teen soap opera i never watched, but i'm not sure it really engages with those people on a substantive level. "yeah, my granddad had shellshock, and that taught me i should carpe a whole bunch of diems before i, too, experience a horrible event from which i can't come back." is that, help him! talk to him!

26) "My Body," by LSG

"Gotta call you up and let you know just what I'm feelin', baby/911 0 0 24/Baby, it's an emergency, I'm callin' 'cause I gotta have some more." *ring* *ring* *ring* 911. What's your emergency? OPERATOR I'M HORNY 12415 Hyperion Street? YES! The Whambambulance is on its way. I just realized that's a pager code and I should probably make fun of the sexy pager codes, but I just came up with Whambambulance so this stays.

29) "Feel So Good," by Mase

Hm. There's an interesting juxtaposition at the heart of this song: you see, Mase is a bad boy. You know this, as he is affiliated with the Bad Boy record label; they are not in the business of hiring good boys there, I'd imagine. But despite his inherent badness, he is still capable of engendering good feelings in the young women with whom he "hangs" (popular late-'90s slang for 'copulates'). This thematic complexity is the thing we have come to expect from Mase, and he has delivered unto us yet another intellectual treat.

56) "Phenomenon," by LL Cool J

"I was looking at her in the limelight, pearly whites" LL Cool J I sincerely doubt you go to the club to scope out nice smiles. Come on. "Behind every playa is a true playette" I never would have realized the word 'playa' needed a feminine form. I don't see why this needed to be a gendered term, but then again, I'm looking at this with 2017 eyes, where we're all just people who enjoy fucking to various degrees and we kinda stopped caring about gender. They probably did need a female form of 'playa' in 1997. "You beefin, yellin on the cell of my 6/You reach it, then you hear the cordless click" THIS IS A BOAST ABOUT A CORDLESS PHONE

66) "I Do," by Lisa Loeb

I listened to this song yesterday and then I got distracted because there was some hot LttP rando tourney tie-break action and some listen to and read other things and now it's the day after and I'm pretty sure this song was OK but I'm extremely sure I got everything out of the first listen. It's a fun female singer/songwriter jam about love or whatever that wasn't completely shallow but also wasn't really captivating. It was. It existed. It was a song I listened to and thenI moved on with my life.

69) "So Good," by Davina ft./Raekwon

This was dope! Because this capsule is being written immediately after I listened to the song, one would think I have more to say, what with it being fresh in my mind. Hey: guess what: it was good! It was low-key and had a nice clip and it pleased me! It pleased me greatly. I am not making fun of this song even though it's basically the same thing as "So Good" because I'll take something that sounds like Lauryn Hill over something that sounds like Mase.

72) "Dream," by Forest for the Trees

"I wanna make a hip-hop song!" "I wanna make an alternative rock song!" "I wanna engage in psychadelia!" "I wanna play the bagpipes!" "Fellas, fellas, fellas! No reason we can't ALL get out way!" And that was the episode of Forest for the Trees when they learned how they could avoid conflict by seeking out compromises.

75) "I'm Not a Player," by Big Punisher

For some reason, on the album Capital Punishment, "Still Not a Player" comes well before "I'm Not a Player." This seems like a grievous error in sequencing. Like, someone should have done something about that, unless Big Pun was way ahead of the curve on the whole "this album should be played with the track listing reversed." "Still Not a Player" even references the hook for "I'm Not a Player." Missed opportunity for a killer reprise. I would also like to note that there is an Intermission in track four of a nineteen-track album. He makes for a fun listen, but Big Pun was absolutely garbage at actually making an album.

11.3.2007

68) "Shadowplay," The Killers

The Killers named themselves after a fictional band in a Joy Division music video. In the video for "Mr. Brightside," The Killers also have a fictional band playing; the kick drum bears the insignia for The Genius Sex Poets. The top YouTube result for The Genius Sex Poets is a band from Denmark that makes somewhat sloppy mopecore rock, they tried their best and I'm not here to make fun of the little guy but also wish I hadn't spent four minutes with them, but the enh makes sense. Joy Division's fake band had a dope name. It was brisk, to the point, and let you know what that fake band was about. I'm surprised that no band had taken the name The Killers before The Killers, or even before whatever Joy Division video I'm not gonna watch because I don't care enough. The Genius Sex Poets is the name of your college's worst a capella group. It's a bad name for a band, and that The Killers wanted to influence as they have been influenced by giving their fake band that name is why I never could get into them. They wanted their legacy to be a band called The Genius Sex Poets. What a trash thing to want.

94) "Love Like This," Natasha Bedingfield ft./Sean Kingston

"We were cool back in high school/Ooh, I really liked you!" Earlier this year, we praised Mariah Carey's "I Don't" because it was a song in which a 40-year-old Mariah Carey had a 28-year-old YG rap about how hot he thought Mariah was. It's a lovely subversion of the Hollywood thing where John Legend and Ariana Grande sing a love duet for a Disney film and people don't see anything wrong or squicky about it. The age gap here isn't quite so drastic, Natasha Bedingfield is 26 and Sean Kingston is 17, but still, this is as close to progress as anyone who isn't Mariah has ever made. The people DO demand a film where Channing Tatum goes down on Meryl Streep, though. I think we're due.

96) "The Hand Clap," Hurricane Chris ft./Big Poppa

this is literally just an over-produced song where hurricane chris only says he wants people to clap their hands. like that's it. that's all there is to this song. just hurricane chris listing reasons you should clap your hands. "Well, I hope you ain't tired of clappin' yo hands/'Cause we just got in the club." Does. Does Hurricane Chris expect me to clap my hands the entire time in the club? 'Cuz I'd do it, but it'd be quite silly. Picture me in the club constantly clapping my hands. Bangin' beats, slammin' honeys, and me just fucking there getting my seal on. "Drop that beat/Turn it up/That's too loud, man!/Turn it down/Now turn it back up" FUCK'S SAKE CHRISTOPHER MAKE UP YOUR MIND DON'T CONFUSE THE DJ THE DJ CLEARLY HAS ENOUGH TO WORRY ABOUT

100) "Just Fine," Mary J. Blige

That Mary J. Blige isn't in Decade Dance is the harshest referendum I can offer on music in 2017

11.4.2017

82) "High End," by Chris Brown ft./Future & Young Thug

nope!

84) "Yours," by Russell Dickerson

oh so he’s country. goddamnit. and it's even the fake-deep ballad bullshit country. this is the song that plays during the first dance at your aunt's third wedding, but it was her first church wedding, the first time they eloped in vegas and the second time, well, you know, uncle jim was never one for crowds, so this her first chance to really have HER day, you know? she hasn't had HER day yet, and you know what, she's 46, she deserves her own day. it'll be a cash bar and you'll spend every second worrying the hot person from the groom's side of the family is technically your cousin now.

87) "Let You Down," by NF

from the cursory research i've done, there appears to be actual emotion behind this song, this isn't just sadness as a substitute for substance there's a backbone to it, so i'm not gonna giveit too much heck. i'm whelmed, but it'd also feel like an insult to say "i didn't like it," because it sounds like a song that wasn't made to get people to listen to nf, it was a song that was made because nf had shit to say, and i respect that.

95) "Stunting AIn't Nuthin," by Gucci Mane ft./Slim Jxmmi & Young Dolph

The AZLyrics page for this song contains five instances of [?] in Gucci Mane's verse. Even the people who like Gucci Mane enough to post his lyrics to the Internet know the lyrical content of a Gucci Mane song isn't worth listening to hard enough to figure out. I paid extra close attention. The blanks are as follows: Don't leave it to BEAVER, just leave it to me (this line is actually borderline clever) I'm at MAD CHRIS' every day of the week (this is a guess, but there's gotta be an ATL strip club named Mad Chris) A FOOL WITH THE CHEWIN' SHE'S chewin' the D (can't say I like it when people bite my dick but to each their own) THAT SOB got me weak in the knees (ok i can't figure this one out, Gucci Mane is trash) Give her THE TROPHY for throat of the week (her parents will put it on the mantle next to her diploma and the participation award from sixth grade gymnastics)

96) "Your Broke Up With Me," by Walker Hayes

MY DUDE. MY. DUDE. YOU. CAN. ABSOLUTELY NEVER. PUT WHISTLING IN YOUR SONG. IF YOU CAN'T WHISTLE. What is this trash? Why are you breathing into the microphone like that? Is this, what, did you accidentally mix your ASMR with your country song and were too lazy to fix the track? I hate this. That whistling sounds so bad. How are people buying this song? This is the most baffling thing I've ever heard.

97) "Mayores," by Becky G ft./Bad Bunny

oh good. a song where a 20-year-old says "i like them older." ...where did i fall on hey violet's "guys my age?" i think i was okay with it then, but man, you think about it now, and you think about this song, and you think about that paula deanda song where she sang "I may be a teen but that doesn't mean I can't party," and man, it's gross. i don't like that this happened.

98) "Ask Me How I Know," by Garth Brooks

barth grooks

Who won the week?

Well, somehow, the white Christian rapper took 2017 Song of the Week honors, so that’s already out. And in a battle between Mary J. Blige and a host of songs that ranged from Neat to Neat!, I’m gonna go with 1997 here.

Current standings: 1997: 17 2007: 12 2017: 14 1997 seems to be building an unassailable lead with the clock running down on a year that ends with 7, though if we’re being real, the last two weeks have been really week. Next week, though, we get a clash of the titans. 1997 enters “Kiss the Rain.” 2007 enters “Low.” 2017 is throwing a ton of Future + Young Thug spaghetti with a side of Tay Tay at the wall. Who will win? ...”Kiss the Rain”’ll prolly take it, like be real it’s “Kiss the Rain,” but we’ll see if 2007 has enough for an upset! (It doesn’t, 1997 has win 18.)